At Her Best.

Twenty-One.

"Inmate 3004, you have a visitor! Inmate 3004! Inmate 3004!!"

Inmate 3004. That was me. I had half the mind to pop my neck and allow the bellowing rude ass guard to know what the fuck my name was, but I quickly decided against it. He didn't give a damn. And I was in no mood to be disrespected and potentially manhandled.

Slowly rising, I alerted the guard to let him know I was coming. I was eating in the cafeteria with Ruth and the new squad, so whatever Keisha had to tell me better be life changing. I had to stop eating my red jello to come see her, and knowing Ruth, it'll be gone by the time I got back.

I felt a pang of anticipation as I walked alongside the guard to go see Keisha. I wasn't getting my hopes up, but it was Tuesday. And Keisha's visiting days were Wednesdays and Fridays. That had to mean something. I needed it to mean something.

"Damn, you fine as hell. I ain't never seen you before. You new around here?" the security guard commented. "That ass hella fat too."

I rolled my eyes so far back in my head that I nearly harmed myself. The fucking nerve of this man. The audacity of him trying to holla at a queen like me. Sucking my teeth in response, the security officer licked his lips and gave me a wink as I walked passed him. I waited patiently to be processed out to go in the visiting room. And as I walked out to my visitor, I wanted to turn around and walk right back into the prison. It wasn't Keisha. It was none other than the most intolerable person I knew, Olivia.

Olivia's and my eyes locked. Shit. I couldn't turn around and go back now. Raja wasn't no punk, but I really didn't want to face my mother. Was she going to throw all of this in my face? Was she going to empathize and give support? Olivia's eyes look swollen, as if she's been crying. I was going to bet on the latter because I really didn't need an 'I told you so'.

I took a while to sit, only because I was scoping the environment and scrutinizing her behavior. Other inmates and their guests were starting to look at me strangely but I didn't care. I never thought my mother would step foot in this jail to see me. It made me question the reason. And as I watched Olivia fight tears as I drew closer, and fidgeted from time to time...I knew it had to be a real strenuous reason.

"La'Raja please sit down." Olivia's cracked voice said. "I'm not here to fight with you."

Hmph, so she says. All my mother received in response was stares. What the fuck was wrong with her? In all my years on this earth, I ain't never seen Olivia act so broken. Dramatic, maybe. Stupid, definitely. But this right here? This was something new. Something was indeed wrong.

"La'Raja I've failed you as a mother. I've failed the both of you. Listen, I never wanted to be a mother. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, I was way too young." Olivia continued. "I, I've made so many mistakes. So, so many. It pains me to think of them. I know you're angry, but please, please just talk to me."

More stares Olivia got in return. It was up to her to lead this conversation, she was the one who came here to see me. Also, I knew my mother like the back of my hand. The less I talked, the more she was liable to spit out whatever it was that had her acting so weird.

"Okay Miss Raja." Olivia huffed. "You don't wanna talk? Fine. But I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything. I know we have our differences, but you're still my daughter. You're still my little girl. And I hate that everything came to this. We've all done our share of bullshit but you don't deserve to be in here for something you haven't done. I can't believe your brother really went through with this. I told him, La'Raja I told him how wrong this was. When I found out what he was doing I called and cussed him out, condemning what he did. I told him to use his brain and get the money from elsewhere. But he said things were already in motion and then he hung up. I haven't heard from him since."