At Her Best.

Twenty-Nine.

I've been on this big, grand high since my job acceptance. Everything was going so amazingly perfect, I couldn't be more grateful for how things were unfolding. My life was finally coming together how I always wanted it to, I was officially over my past experiences. I was in an evolving state, and today I was going to put that to the test by visiting my brother in the hospital.

My mom and I have been speaking frequently, chatting about anything and everything. She was greatly surprised when I asked about my brother, and quickly volunteered information about my inquiries. She asked if she could tag along for my meeting with Lorenzo, seeing that he was now fully awake. But this was something I had to do by myself. For myself. Besides, she had nothing to worry about. I've already had a taste of prison, and I wasn't going to do anything that would send me back there.

The polite nurses escorted me to my brother's hospital room, and I kindly thanked them. Pulling up at the door, I took a deep breath. For the past few days, I've been battling with my feelings about this confrontation with my brother. On one hand, I did want to see him. Hearing about his accident on television left me in a conflicted mess. It took me a while to admit it, but I feared the outcome of that situation. I didn't want anything to happen to him despite all that he put me through, and this is how I knew that I truly loved and cared for Lorenzo. And on the other hand, I wanted to leave him for dead. Just like he left me. Part of me wished he was going through all the agony he bestowed upon me, only ten times worse. It wasn't helping that Mason and Keisha were leaning on this side, for they were not in agreement with me coming here today. But I was already here, and it made no sense going back now.

I pushed the door open, and Lorenzo's and my eyes immediately linked. His face looked like a mixture of astonishment and fright, but the gentle smile I gave quickly put an end to his facial expression. Sitting in an available seat, I swiftly analyzed him. He looked so frail and weak, it was scary to witness. The Lorenzo I knew was strong, sturdy, driven. Absolutely nothing could get him down. Every time he experienced a loss, he got right back up again. Those personality traits actually motivated me and kept me going over the years. My brother was so invincible to me, I thought he was downright unbreakable. But I guess I never really knew Lorenzo like I thought I did, and that's the biggest slap in the face.

"Am I in hell?" Lorenzo groaned.

"You should be." I answered.

Lorenzo chuckled. "Looks like someone still has a sense of humor."

"Yeah." I answered. "It kept me going through my imprisonment."

Lorenzo looked away from me for a moment, glancing all around the hospital room. I followed his gaze, for I really wanted to know what the hell he was looking for. I wonder if he thought he was going to find some accountability and a conscious within these bland walls and tasteless décor.

"I never wanted to hurt you." Lorenzo expressed. "La'Raja, you're my little sister. I'll always love you unconditionally. But I had to take care of me, and I knew you wouldn't understand. I didn't want to be a part of your schemes and plots anymore. I got tired of constantly coming to your defense and helping you out. I knew you wouldn't accept that, so I had to do what I had to do. La'Raja, you are so fucking selfish. It's either your way or the highway. You're a master manipulator, a true narcissist. You mistreat and undermine everyone who ever cared for you. I thought I was teaching you a lesson but turns out that lesson came back on me. I am sorry for how things went down. I wished there was a way where I could have just left without involving you. But I don't regret shit, and I'd do it all over again. With different results of course."

I thought about smothering my brother with one of his hospital bed's pillows, but I quickly remembered what the food in jail was like. I also remembered how much effort I was putting in to better myself, and I couldn't allow Lorenzo to put me back in a mindset that I worked so hard to get out of. Lorenzo and I were glaring at each other intensely after his statements. Everything was all out in the open now. It was such a damn shame that it took all of this to happen for me to finally see how Lorenzo viewed me.

"Going after you wasn't my first thought." Lorenzo continued. "The plan was to spare you all along, and just disappear out of your life. The initial scheme was to blackmail Stanley. He deserve to pay for leaving mom to raise us by herself. I was going to use the little sex tape you made and throw it back in his face. But when I contacted him, shit went left. He flipped everything around on me. I didn't even see it coming. When I showed him the tape and explained who you were, he damn near caught a panic attack. Seeing the look on his face filled me with so much satisfaction. However, he quickly collected himself. He threatened to not only have my family killed, but to release info about me snitching on this dumbass street gang. Years ago, I got caught up with some drugs and ended up cooperating with the police to get off. I thought no one knew about it, I was took by surprise when your bitch ass daddy brought it up. If it got out that I ratted, I was as good as dead. You know how them motherfuckers are out here, they don't play. The plan with Stanley was too messy, it made me realize how powerful he really was. I had to take a step back and come differently. I then formulated another plan using Hensworth, which our mother failed me with. But then Astra swooped in asking for help with her brother, and I realized that your money was no match for hers. We made a deal. But when that dumb bitch didn't follow through with what we agreed on, things got a little shaky. I kept the surveillance footage as collateral. I had a feeling she was going to play me. And when I leaked the footage, she tried to kill me with her car. Can you believe that? Now the bitch's dead as a doornail. Gone and forgotten. But hey, good thing I kept the tape huh? If it wasn't for me, you'd still be rotting in jail. Shit, if it wasn't for me, you would've gotten caught up a long time ago. I helped you so fucking much. I put up with your disgusting attitude, all your rude and selfish antics. I deserve compensation for all I've done."

Okay, that does it. Time for me to dip. I heard everything I needed to hear. Now it was time for me to wish him the best and keep it pushing. I was very proud of myself for not only coming here but making it this far without doing any damage. I was glad to finally hear Lorenzo's truth, but I wasn't about to sit here a moment longer and listen to him tarnish my character. I honestly thought one conversation could potentially solve everything. I came here today thinking we were going to hash out our differences and come to a cordial understanding. But Lorenzo and I surely weren't on the same boat. I don't think we ever will be. I wanted to forgive him, and I knew I would eventually. But as of right now, this man can go to hell. Closure is a scam. 

I swung my Chanel bag on my shoulder and sighed. "This talk is over. I'm leaving you where you belong...in the past. One day I'll fully forgive you. One day I won't care about what you did to me. I'm not about to go back and forth with you. I know my past actions haven't always made me the most favorable, but I'm making strides to do better. I'll always have love for you, that I won't deny. But there's no moving forward for us. Let's go our separate ways peacefully."

I stood up to leave but my brother grabbed my hand. He glared at me worriedly and I stared back at him. He seemed really on edge and alarmed, like something was severely bothering him.

"Spit it out Raja. I ain't buying this nice girl shit." Lorenzo snapped. "I know you like the back of my hand. You're always cooking up something, always plotting. Astra's dead so she doesn't have to worry about your wrath, but you can't fool me little sister. You probably don't even care that Astra's dead. That's how evil minded and cold hearted you are. If you're gonna set me up somehow, at least have the decency to put me on guard."

I smirked. "Always be on guard big brother. Isn't that what you taught me? You know I'm always cooking up something. Can't wait for you to see what it is."

Lorenzo released my hand in pure horror. I had absolutely no intentions on inflicting any pain on my brother, but he didn't know that. I'd be lying if I said a part of me wasn't satisfied that I could still get under his skin, this shit was too easy. However, being sly and deceiving wasn't contributing to the newfound Raja, so I sashayed my fine ass out of that hospital room, leaving the one person I thought I needed the most in the rearview mirror.