Lost? (Byun Baekhyun x OC x Kim Taeyeon)

1 | Life

Kim Haneul, a pathetic girl who lived with her heartless father. The girl who has their parents seperated. The girl who was hurted by men whom played with her heart. The girl who lost her elder sister. The girl who has no idea where her mother is. The girl who suffered from a dark and sad childhood. And that is me, Kim Haneul.

I want to shut myself away
From the voice and gaze around me
I’m just crying
Hiding my breath in the dark

My parents were one in harmony. We were a happy family. I was two years old and my elder sister was six. She knows a lot, she has experienced lots.

Lots and lots of fights.

Fights between my parents.

Shouting, screaming, yelling.

That was all before I was existed, and I wish I never did. I didn't know at first, until a huge fight started between them. My elder sister hide me inside the closet. She cooed me, soothed me, assuring everything will be okay.

Then my mother called. But my elder sister told me to stay and not to go anywhere. I didn't understand on what is going on at all.

I mumbled and hung my head down low
This is my life, what do you want me to do?
Break my own shell that I faked

The noises all stopped. It was so quiet, that it felt so wrong. Something was wrong. But I was too scared to come out.

BOOM! The door burts open. "Haneul?" My father called. I hesitated at first, but he kept on searching here and there, while I peek through the gap between the door.

"Dad?" I came out from the closet, lifting my head up to look at him. His fuming eyes met my innocent ones. His gaze soften, "Go to bed, I'll tuck you in."

Anyone can say anything
This is me, I’m the greatest
My awakaned heart
Will shine to illuminate the future

Day by day afterwards, I never saw my sister neither my mother. Father never talked about them, he acted as if they never existed. He hide all their pictures or maybe tear them apart.

I never dared to ask. He would yell at me before I could say anything. He was very ill-tempered and his mood swings are extreme. At times, he would treat me like a daughter wants while most of the time he would hit and scream at me. I was sick at this kind of life, seeing my friends having their parents smiling at them, laughing their jokes, having fun with their family made me smile bitterly. I have to face the reality, I lost my family.

I’ll change the sorrow into power
Like ripping my heart out
And wipe the tears away from the eyes
Of the girl in the mirror

I told myself to stay strong. I am grateful enough to have such caring friends. I was grateful that I got my first boyfriend at fifteen behind my father's back. He was caring, he would visit my class to see me everyday. The fact that he was popular in school, many girls were jealous and that made me believe that I wasn't invisible in school after all.

But he disappeared.

He disappeared after three months. I thought he was angel but no, he is not. He is a cheater, he ghosted me.

I remember seeing him walking with another girl in the school during a break. It pierced my heart.

“Don’t cry” I mumbled
This is my life, I want to confront it
If the fate has already been decided

That happened to me for three times in my life. I thought I could spare another chance but boys are the same. I dated three different boys but they are all the same.

They ended up leaving me for another girl.

Since then, I never fall in love and so do anyone towards me. My friends are betrayers, but one remained on my side for years since I met her.

Yoo Jimin, the beautiful ulzzang girl who has lots of followers in her social media accounts. She is beautiful inside out despite her popularity. She never brags about it and I admire her.

She remain next to me although she has become a busy trainee in a huge entertainment company in Korea. I will and always support her. I admire her talent and beauty.

She spend sometime with me during her weekends and free times. She would tell me about her day and I always listen to her enthusiastically. She told me I am a good listener and appreciate my presence a lot. Her words remained in my heart, it brings me up and reminds me that someone still appreciates me.

No matter what I will lose
This is me, I’m the greatest
My pure heart
Will shine to illuminate the world

After years of my father's death due to some heart failure, I was in sorrow but my life eventually got better. No more shouting, years of pain and numbness, harsh words coming out from his mouth affecting me. It was all traumatic.

Jimin told me on how I look happier after the years. But I still can't get the traumatic scenes out of my head. The voices still remain in my head and appeared in sometime.

I encourage myself to move forward everyday. Take a step forward.

(Right here, right now, this is my fight song)
I will shine
(Right here, right now)
In order to start walking (I will shine)

I’m the greatest
Anyone can say anything
I will shine as I am

I click the pause button on the screen then sighed. I glanced at the screen then at my reflection on the mirror, staring at myself on the mirror blankly. I pursed my lips before looking at my reflection in the eyes.

"You can do it."