Lotty

Part 12: Feelings?

As Michael and I went from class to class I never saw James. Where was he? Why wasn't he here? I found myself worrying more and more about where he could be. All I could think about was him, what he could be doing, who he could be with, how he was, and even if he was safe. Personally I know that I shouldn't care about a man who had hurt me and had cheated on me but I couldn't help it. It was like a reflex that I couldn't control. I kept walking threw the halls completely lost in thought of him. That's when I felt a tap on my shoulder. At this sudden touch I jumped and Michael laughed. "Sorry for scaring you but I have been trying to get your attention all day. However I can tell based on your thoughts that you really aren't gonna talk to me any time soon." I quickly realized that he had been walking with me all day and I haven't said a word to him since this morning. We had even been going into every class where the teachers taught but I zoned them out too. I looked around to see people passing me with stares of either disgust or awkwardness. I turned to face Michael. "I'm sorry I just." I stopped and sighed. "I'm mad that he isn't here. He should be here. It's school and just because he broke my heart doesn't mean he can just ditch. He needs to think about his future." By the look on Michaels face I could tell he knew I was totally lying about how I felt. I looked down "Fine, I miss him okay. I know I shouldn't miss him at all and that I should move on. I should even hate him. I know most girls would but I can't. I've tried so hard too but I just I can't." With that Michael hugged me tightly "Listen Lotty I know it hurts and I don't expect you to not miss him but I do want you to understand that what he did was completely wrong. He was an asshole." I looked up at him and then I came to the realization that he was correct. "You're right I can miss him but I can't forgive him and I shouldn't want him back. He hit me and he cheated on me. He doesn't deserve me at all." Michael smiled like I had done something amazing however he wasn't looking at me. I turned to see who he was looking at. That's when I saw him. James was right there. Right behind me at the end of the hall looking kinda stalkerish. When I made eye contact with him he quickly ran away out the door of the school with a painful look in his face. Was he sad? Was he hurt? Did he just hear what I said?! Michael spoke "Ya he did hear exactly what you said and you shouldn't care if he is hurting because he hurt you in ways that can't be forgiven." I nodded and then went to my next class.

School had ended before I knew it. It was a beautiful day out so Michael, Jake, and I all decided to go to the lake. They had also said it would help me forget about James. Well HIM. They said I shouldn't even call him by his name because he didn't even deserve it and something about how psychologists believe that it helps with the healing process. Anyway when we got there the water was absolutely freezing so I just sat on a rock and relaxed reading Harry Potter The Order Of The Phoenix. Jake and Michael however were swimming and having diving competitions. I honestly didn't think they would get along but I am happy they are. They are the two most important people in my life besides Olivia. They have been by my side ever since I moved here. I looked up from my book and I didn't see them. Where'd they go? I stood up to look over into the water to see if they were under. They weren't so I decided to go check out the forest that surrounded the lake. I won't lie it was beautiful. The sunlight that shined on the trees made they shine a bright green color and the flowers were all different colors from a light yellow to a dark red. As I kept walking further and further into the forest I heard a twig snap. I quickly turned my heart pounding. I didn't see anything. "Maybe I am just hearing things" I mumbled to myself. I kept walking and looking for them but they were nowhere. "Jake!!! Michael!!!" Nobody answered. I kept walking. That's when I felt a pair of hands make contact with my body. One over my mouth and another on my waist. I turned and went to swing but then I saw it was Jake. "What are you doing!!" He looked at me with his big eyes and smiled "I'm sorry Lotty I didn't mean to scare you but Michael realized you were gone so we split up to find you." What? I was gone? "I wasn't gone you two disappeared on me." He looked at me lost. "We were swimming while you were on the rock and then we looked up and you weren't there anymore." I was so lost. Had I completely zoned out to the point of not seeing people? "Oh I guess I just... Idk I got lost." He wrapped his arm around you "It's fine. Thanks to you being lost I just won a $20 bet that I would find you first." Jake said this with such pleasure that it made me giggle. I mean really giggle to the point of holding onto him to keep balance. "Lotty I didn't really say anything funny." That's when I began laughing harder and I snorted. As soon as I snorted I covered my mouth and held in my laughter. "That was adorable do it again!!" Jake had been so fascinated in my laugh but me not so much. "No jake I'm good it was embarrassing and gross." He smiled "Lotty it was adorable." I looked at him and put my hands on my hips "It was gross." He grabbed my hands and smiled "No it wasn't." I kept insisting getting closer to him "Yes it was." We got closer as he spoke "Nope." I smirked "yup." We kept fighting like that getting closer and closer and closer until he had leaned in. As soon as I knew it his lips were on mine. They were soft and tasted like cherries. I wrapped my arms around him which I found difficult because of the major height difference but then he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around him like it was a natural thing. Why was I kissing him? Did I like him this way? I kept thinking as the kiss got deeper and deeper. Eventually he started to put his hands up the back of my shirt and playing with my bra. It felt so amazing to kiss him. That's when he pulled away and looked into my eyes. "Lotty I understand if it's too quick or even too soon, but I have liked you for a while. Ever since I first met you in fact. I just needed to let you know because you deserve someone that truly cares about you." I didn't know what to say. I knew he was telling the truth and I also knew that even though I had feelings for him that I had feelings for Michael also. My hesitation of an answer made his state go to the ground. I decided to speak "Jake I really do like you but, I kinda have feelings for someone else." He looked hurt. "That's okay. I understand. Just promise me you won't let him hurt you because I will kill him. This won't change our relationship right?" I was so happy that he understood. "I promise I won't let him hurt me and no it would never effect our relationship. A girl can't live without her best friend." I smiled and hugged him tightly but he seemed even more hurt after I said Best Friend. Eventually we had gotten back to the lake and Jake received his $20. It was getting late so we decided to head home. Jake drove me home and walked me up to the door. It was awkward for a bit because we stood there silently. That's when he spoke. "Lotty I know you don't like me that way but I do want you to know I will always feel this way toward you and I'm gonna wait however long it takes because you're worth it and you're better than any girl." I looked at him "I appreciate it Jake but I just don't think it'll happen." He looked at me like I had thrown 1000 knives straight into his heart. "Well goodnight Lotty if you need to talk about anything I'm always here for you." He hugged me and left. I ran upstairs to avoid Olivia which worked perfectly. Before I knew it I was passed out in my room.