Chance

Chapter 3 - My Demons Are My Only Companions

Sylver Allynsha Armstrong

When I was much younger, I had met a boy who had me at my knees. I was swoon my him. He would wear Batman pants and I would "coincidently" have a matching skirt the next day. He did his project on the Pyramids and I "coincidently" did mine on Cleopatra. He would bring bananas for lunch and soon enough they were my favourite snack. I thought I would marry him and I told everybody that I would. But I was only seven. He told his friend that he found me "icky" and I cried when I found out. I honestly thought he was The One. That was my first heartbreak. I thought that was all I was going to get at the love section. Until now.

When I caught Adam Brown in my bedroom, I pretended like I didn't know who he was. Which was obviously not the case. I was in kindergarten with Adam Brown but he never noticed me. I was in elementary with him. But he never looked twice at me. It wasn't like I liked him or something. I barely knew him. But his mother was my mother's best friend growing up. I always heard stories from her. It felt like I knew Adam Brown's mother very well. It almost felt like I had an invisible connection to him. Until I kissed him that night and he kissed me back.

I didn't know Adam Brown. Why did I let my guard down? Was he taking advantage of me? Why did he kiss me back with the knowledge of the fact that Kyle could beat him up to a pulp? I didn't want to take my chances. So I ran away. But he doesn't know anything.

I feel like I'm not providing you with enough information. Maybe I should try harder. But Adam Brown is such a person with whom you feel like you can say anything to and he'll listen. Without a catch. He'll listen so you have some closure. He'll be there for you without a selfish motive. Isn't that the dream? Then why didn't he push me away?

I had very quickly become a friend. Or was I an acquaintance on the verge of being a friend? I didn't know. Maybe I went over that night to find out. His mother is very nice. I knocked on their door at 8 in the evening and she was kind enough to let me in. I hugged her because she reminded me of my mother. I heard her sniffle and whisper that it's alright in my hair. His mother is a lovely lady. She led me upstairs to Adam Brown's room. He was lying on his bed looking up at ceiling and humming a familiar song. I believe it was Mayday Parade's Miserable At Best. It was a song of extreme melancholy. Yes, it was. His mother smiled at me and closed the door.

"Adam Brown," I said. He sat up and smiled at me. I put my purse of the floor and sat next to him on his bed. "What's up? Are you alright?" he said. He seemed worried. And not the kind at my mother's funeral where they continuously kept asking me how I was out of guilt. It was rather annoying. But with Adam Brown, it was genuine. He actually gave two shits. My apparent boyfriend, Kyle hadn't called me or even came over after my mother's passing. We were done anyway. I couldn't stand him. Adam Brown was my friend though. He was a boy as well. No, he was a man. He was my manfriend. That sounds stupid. He was just my friend.

"I'm alright, Adam Brown. Don't worry about me," I smiled. "Man. You're crazy," he chuckles. "So, you came over just to see my face and embarrass me because I'm in my boxers in front of a lady?" he said as he raised his left eyebrow. I laughed. He was funny. I liked his humour. I liked him. I think. "You're a weirdo, Adam Brown," I said touching his cheek. He got up from his bed and put his pants on. He didn't looked amused. Maybe I shouldn't have touched his face. Maybe I shouldn't have called him a weirdo. "Speak for yourself," he murmured, then he faced me and smiled a huge goofy one. I started to laugh. He was amazing.

"I had to show you something, you big baby," he said as he sat at his computer. I pulled in a chair and sat next to him. He played a song. It was quite nice. It started with faint piano and a chorus of acoustic guitars. Then the singer started singing and she sang, "Oh, you smell, baby. You smell like feet. I wish, oh I wish baby. That next to you I never have to eat," As the song progressed, I picked up the nearest pillow and hit Adam Brown's head. He erupted in laughter. "You idiot," I said trying to sound offended. But I couldn't because it was pretty funny and I was quite amused and also because I knew my Chanel perfume could never go wrong.

He picked the nearest pillow up and started to hit me too. "What happened to never hitting a lady?" I asked, laughing. "Ladies don't smell of feet," he said. I gasped dramatically and hit him some more. Soon enough we were laughing and were on the rug trying to control ourselves. "Are we friends, Adam Brown?" I asked as we cooled down. "Do you think we're friends?" he asked me looking at the ceiling. "Maybe we are," I managed. "Then we are," he said smiling. He sat up and gestured me to sit up as well. "Have you had dinner yet?" he asked. "Not really. I'm not big on eating by myself. My step father doesn't eat with me. So, no I haven't tonight," I said. I hated my step father. I don't why my mother married him in the first place.

"You must experience my mother's pot roast then!" he exclaimed as he rose. I started laughing again. He was so silly. "Mother!" he said in a Russian accent (I'm not quite sure why but he was quite good at it.) "Mother, please be kind enough to serve this lady some of your famous pot roast, please," he said as he left his room. I could hear his mother's distant laugh.

And then it clicked. What was I doing here? Why did I come here in the first place? I don't belong here. This is not me. Pot roast with the whole family? I was more of a caviar by the pool side alone kind of a person. That is how I was raised. Adam Brown came back up with a plate of delicious looking roast. I was pretty hungry but I didn't come here to eat. He put the plate down. "Sylver, why do you have crazy eyes?" he asked half laughing, half serious. I stayed silent. He narrowed his eyes and went to draw his curtains. I followed him. As he turned, I leaned in to kiss him.

Why the fuck did I do that? But once I was in, I couldn't let go. I wanted him to kiss me back but he seemed rather surprised. He had very soft lips. I had to be on my toes to reach his face. My hands were cupped on his face while I kissed him. He slowly held me and pulled me closer. He started to kiss me back.

Suddenly, I got flash backs from the time I saw my mother's marriages burn to a crisp. All sinking ships. I saw when Husband No 2 had slapped my mother across her face and all she did was cry. I saw the time when my uncle came out of the closet and my grandfather abandoned him. I saw when my mother has the gun in her hand and I dismissed it thinking it was just another futile attempt for attention. I saw all of my regrets and all of my family's failed attempts at love. I wasn't made for love. I wasn't.

My eyes started to swell with tears. I didn't want him to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I broke the kiss and saw the surprise and disappointment in his eyes. But I couldn't drag him into my mess. He was not meant for me. I picked my purse up and left. His mother tried to say something to me, but I didn't hear her. My demons were crowding up in my head. They were driving me insane. I had to leave. I had to go.

I drove as I blared Simple Plan. I cried until my head ached. I looked at my phone and saw that Adam Brown had called me a few times. He was so nice. What was I doing? I deleted his number and drove home. I needed to deal with my own shit. I couldn't use Adam Brown as an escape.

I shut everything and everyone out for the next few days and didn't leave my room. Nobody came to check up on me. It seemed like I was forgotten. And the crazy thing was, I didn't care.

I didn't care until Adam Brown sat next to me in AP English. Just seeing him again made me question everything. What the fuck was wrong with me? What was I doing? I said hi to him and then tried to pay attention in class. I tried to shut everyone out again and only focus on the teacher speaking. Apparently, I had become very good at shutting people out.

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Hope that cleared your doubts and all about Sylver's back story. A lot is coming up. Be prepared to be thoroughly amazed. ;)

-whynotcake