Consequences | Nillie

Afterward: Part 3

The next morning, before her procedure, I went to the hospital to see Millie, just as I had every other day she was there and every day before that when she was sick at her house. We didn't speak about the baby. We barely spoke at all. We just held each other as I whispered that everything would be okay.

Liar.

Not an hour later the doctors came and I left her. I waited in the lobby for Kelly to come and tell me how the procedure went. It seemed like hours but she finally emerged from the elevator with the tiniest of smiles on here face. Her expression wasn't even happiness, but rather just not sadness. For her, that was better than anything I had seen in weeks.

We spoke and she explained the procedure had been postponed because of staffing issues. It was a melancholy moment. I would get one more day. Just one more. At least that what I thought. The next day it happened again. They postponed. Millie didn't get any worse. They postponed again. Millie started feeling better. They postponed the procedure a week. By the time that week was up Millie was back on her feet and they decided she wouldn't need an abortion after all. On New Years day Millie went home with here family and I finally started to imagine becoming a father again.

Past - February 2nd 2021

I took a sip of my first- and hopefully only- beer of the night, beginning to settle into the party. Maybe Millie was right; I just needed to relax and stop worrying so much. She had been feeling well for more than a month and all the signs pointed to a healthy pregnancy. In her words, I need to "chill out" so here I was, at Finn's party while Millie lay on the couch at her house doing pregnant stuff.

From my cozy spot in the corner, I glanced toward the other side of the room, making eye contact with Finn. He grinned and signaled for me to come to him. I shook my head, wanting to stay sitting with my thoughts. Finn rolled his eyes and turned to say something to Caleb.

Not five minutes later, they had convinced me to play a game of pool with them and Sadie. Finn handed me a second beer. I tried to protest but eventually gave in. I could always stay the night if I got drunk. Halfway through the game I opened a third beer. This time a hard seltzer actually so it was a little bit stronger. I didn't worry though. In the last year I had gotten used to drinking with my cast-mates. Finn and Caleb were both college age and drank all the time and I often joined it. This wasn't an unusual night. We were a couple teenagers doing what teenagers do and you would never guess that a few drinks could have such consequences.

We were halfway through our third game of pool, Finn and Sadie were surprisingly winning against me and Caleb, when Sadie got a phone call. She held up her finger and stepped away from the game.

Finn shrugged. "Want another beer while we wait?" He said, looking at me.

"At this point yeah, fuck it. What Millie doesn't know won't hurt her. I told her I would probably sleep over anyway. Hopefully Shawn doesn't need his car tonight though."

"He lent it to you again?" Caleb interrupted. "After what happened last time?" Finn handed me my fourth beer. I was starting to feel myself getting buzzed. Nothing to worry about though. I could drink almost a dozen beers before I blacked out. Don't ask how I know that...

"That was not my fault! I was parked and the guy backed into me."

"I still can't believe he trusts you. You know, seeing as you are the youngest of us and all." Caleb said.

I was about to reply when a glass shattered behind me. I turned to see Sadie standing, with her phone to her ear, her open hand still out stretched where she had been holding her drink. She spoke into the phone.

"We're on our way."

She turned off the phone and looked up, making eye contact with me. Her expression could only be described as fear.

"It's Millie."

***

I drove fast. Way to fast. Millie told me when she chased me down that time in Shawns Ferrari she hit 95 mph on the highway. I was either too drunk or too scared I would never see her again because  I was going 190 mph toward downtown Atlanta. In other words, as fast as Shawns 2020 Ferrari Portofino could go. I made it from Finns party at his place in Palmetto to downtown Atlanta in 11 minutes. It normally took half an hour.

It didn't matter how fast I went because it wasn't enough. None of it mattered. None of it. I never made it to the Grady Memorial hospital. At least not with the car. You see, Grady Memorial hospital towers over the highway in Atlanta so anyone driving by can see it and know which exit to take off the highway. 

The hospital came into view and I served to get into the right lane and make the exit. I slammed on the brakes when I realized how quick I was still going and that when it all went wrong. The wheels locked up and started skidding and then suddenly I was sideways. I missed the exit, but I didn't stay on the highway either, I went right into the divider between the two. Sideways.

The airbags went off and glass shattered. In a split second I went from a hundred miles per hour to zero and it felt like it. I threw up. My face stung like someone had slapped me repeatedly and my ears were ringing.

Anyone else would have called an ambulance at this point. But, when I looked up all I could see through the broken windshield was Grady Memorial hospital. And somewhere in there was Millie, going into labor 3 months early.

I fumbled for the door handle, and got it open. The hinges screeched as metal bent. I fell toward the pavement, landing in a pile of broken glass but I barely felt it cut my hands. I stood, threw up again, and started running.

***

The hospital was just on the the other side of the highway. I ran down the exit ramp and turned left under the overpass. I tried to sprint but something was slowing me down and I couldn't make my legs move fast enough.

I needed to get to Millie. Nothing else mattered. Women rarely survived childbirth this early. I wasn't stupid. I knew that. I knew I wasn't just running to see Millie. I was running for a chance to say goodbye.