Consequences | Nillie

Afterward: Part 2

Past - August 25th 2020

I knocked on the door of the Brown family's home. It was probably the 20th time I had been there that summer. Normally I came over on a Friday after filming and stayed for the weekend. This time though, it was a Tuesday and Millie had called me less than an hour ago asking me to come over. I thought it was a little strange, especially since she hadn't been feeling well lately and told the Duffers she was sick the last two days.

Mrs. Brown opened the door.

"Hi Mrs-"

My voice trailed off. Something wasn't right she looked... angry or sad. No she was worried. I had no idea but her expression was definitely not her normal cheery self. Immediately my mind went to Millie. Something must of happened. Was hurt? Did she have cancer? Did she get kidnapped? A thousand possibilities crossed my mind but Mrs. Brown didn't provide an answer. All she said was:

"You better go talk with Millie. She's in her room."

"Okay, thank you."

I hurried past Mrs. Brown and made my way up the stairs to Millie's room. Why had she told me to knock? I had been here a million times and it's not like there anything I haven't seen. Still, when I reached her door, which unusually was closed, I knocked lightly.

"Millie?"

"Come in."

I opened the door. Millie was sitting on the edge of her bed, looking out the window. Normally she would turn toward me and leap up to give me a hug. She would tell me everything that happened between then and the last time I saw her (which normally was only a few hours). Today though, she was silent.

"Millie, what's wrong?"

She took a deep breath like she was going to say something but she stayed silent, only exhaling heavily. I went and sat next to her, wrapping my arm around her. She flinched slightly when I touched her but she didn't push me away.

"Whats wrong Millie?"

Silence

"Millie, in order for me to help, you have to tell whats wrong."

Her lip trembled.

"Millie-"

"We fucked up Noah!" She yelled suddenly. Her voice carried through her room, echoing a anger and sadness that the four walls weren't used to hearing. All summer it had been nothing but joy and laughter. 

"What do you mean Millie?"

She looked up and when our eyes met my heart stopped. She had the same expression has her mother: fear, anger and sadness but it was worse somehow. I immediately understood. Normally I was pretty clueless when it came to reading people, but this time I knew what that expression meant.

"Millie... you're pregnant?"

She wouldn't even look at me.

"How long have you know?"

It suddenly occurred to me that this was why Millie hadn't been filming the last two days.

"Since Saturday."

"Oh."

She had know three days and she hadn't told me. That hurt.

"I'm sorry Noah. It's just... I needed time to think and-"

"Millie." She looked at me, here eyes still red. "It okay. You don't owe me any kind of explanation. I get why you didn't tell me and why you're so emotional but isn't this a good thing?"

She gave a small smile. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it for reassurance.

"Are you planing to... you know will you... are you going to..." I stuttered.

"Am I going to keep it?" She questioned.

"Yeah."

"I don't know Noah."

I nodded slowly. I didn't know how felt but I was glad Millie didn't make that decision without me. Even if it was her decision to make.

"We Noah."

"What?"

"We. The question is are we going to keep it. We're in this together."

"Of course Millie. We're going to get through this. I promise I won't let anything bad happen."

Present - October 2021.

I wish I had kept that promise. I wish I had done more in that moment. I wish I had done more to prevent that moment from ever happening. Millie and I were always careful but clearly not careful enough.

I had been reminded time and time again that there was always consequences for my actions.

That Tuesday night at Millie's house seemed like it happened just yesterday, but really it was almost a year ago. A year is a long time and I made a lot of mistakes during it. Mistakes that of course, had consequences.

Past - November 2020 (7 months till due date)

By all standards, Millies pregnancy started out well. That didn't mean I was scared out of my mind though. Still, the first few months she didn't even feel sick or anything. I spent every moment from the second she told me she was pregnant trying to make it easier for her.

Obviously this all means we decided to keep the baby. There were a lot of changes to be made, but we got through them. Today in particular was a big day because we were telling our fans. Most of our friends and family knew, and we wished it could stay that way but Millie would be starting to show soon and it would become too much work to hide. 

We did it over instagram live. Unlike when we accidentally revealed we were dating, this reveal was on purpose.

Our fans went wild. Reactions were mixed. Most were happy for us. Lots of celebrities reached out with congratulations or tried to buy things for the baby. Others suggested names. A few people criticized us. We were to young. We were moving to fast. That kind of stuff.

I spent much of that winter wondering if they were right. Millie was 16 and I had only just turned 16. We had been dating for less than 6 months when she got pregnant. Everyone kind of figured it was an accident. 

After the the Live stream had ended Millie started crying. She had been doing a lot of that lately and I didn't know if it was because of the pregnancy or the stress or the fear that we wouldn't be able to take care of our baby but whatever it was I made it my mission to never cry. I wanted to be strong for her and I hadn't cried since the night we got back together during our fight about Nick. I definitely wasn't going to let myself cry again anytime soon.

It was after the livestream when things started going downhill. Millie started feeling sick. That's normal I guess when your pregnant but it kept getting worse and a few days before Christmas her parents took her to the hospital. That when I really started feeling helpless. Millies parents were making the decisions and I was just a bystander. There was nothing I could do but sit back and feel like everything was my fault. Which it was of course.

After just one day in the hospital, doctors decided Millie would need to have an abortion. I didn't find out right away but Kelly, Mrs. Brown called me from the hospital. I was in my trailer on set when I found out. Filming was on pause for Christmas and I was one of the few people still living on set. I couldn't go home to New York and be so far from Millie but living alone in a trailer while your girlfriend was sick in the hospital was terrible. Despite it all I never cried. Even when I got that call from Kelley that the abortion was scheduled for the next day. Even when I fell to my knees, as I realized I would never get to meet my baby, no tears came. The phone fell from my hand, echoing Kelleys muffled words as I sat in silence.