Consequences | Nillie

Chapter 17 Millie

Depression trigger warning. A star Is Born movie spoiler.

Millie's POV

Noah and I avoided each other after the break up. I figured one day I would talk to him again but it would be a while. Unfortunately I didn't really talk to the rest of the cast either. I just did my job and played Eleven on the biggest tv show on Netflix.

It was incredible boring being on a movie set alone without your family or friends to talk to. After a few days, I decided I had to tell someone and of course that person was Sadie Sink.

I filled in Sadie who immediately said she was going to kill Noah. It made me feel good that I had her on my side. She was always there for me. For the next few weeks, I stuck close to Sadie. Anytime we saw Noah, she would flip him off for me and tell me to forget about him. It made me feel better. At least at first.

The rest of the cast knew we had broken up but I don't think they knew why. I wanted to keep it that way so I made sure Sadie kept her mouth shut. Especially around Finn. Lately she had been telling him everything since they were in their little "relationship".

Anytime I asked Sadie about it she insisted they were just friends. I think it was more like friends with benefits. It was hard to think about them though when I had no one.


It went on like that for a couple weeks. I was quiet around everyone except Sadie and I avoided Noah. Eventually, on a Friday night I was in my trailer alone during a thunderstorm. I had always been a little scared of lightning, and on this particular night, I was watching A Star Is Born and crying which only made it worse. 

Each time there was a flash of lighting through the windows, I would hold my breath and wait for the thunder to resonate through the trailer. I wished more than anything that someone could be there with me. But I had no one. 

The movie got closer to the end and Bradley Coopers character Jackson committed suicide. In my pathetic lonesome state, I immediately started crying. Then, a few minutes later when his wife began to sing Always Remember Us This Way, I started balling. I couldn't contain myself. I had never felt this terrible in my life.

I must of cried for twenty minutes before I finally ran out of tears. I never could have imagined that I, the famous Millie Bobby Brown would become so vulnerable. 

But I had become vulnerable. It was hard to imagine a way out of the misery I was in. It took me a while to realize it but the last few weeks had been the worst of my life. I had always been good at putting on a smile and pretending everything was fine. I had always convinced the world and quite frankly myself that I was okay. But I wasn't. I had finally lost it.

Now, I was alone in my trailer and I started to think about the choice that Jackson had made. To end it all. Just like that. No more stress, no more pain, no more sorrow. 

I buried my face in my pillow, desperately trying to make the thoughts go away. I had never been so alone and I needed someone to save me. I needed someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. I needed-

"Millie!"

Someone pounded on the door.

"Millie! It's Noah open up!"

Noah had come to my door almost every day for the past three weeks. I had ignored him every time but this time, I dragged myself from my bed, not caring that eyes were red or that my hair was a mess. Hell I didn't even care that I wasn't wearing pants.

I just needed him.

I got to the door and opened it.

"Millie."

He whispered my name, clearly surprised that I had opened the door.

"Noah."

"What happened?"

"To what?"

"To you Millie. You look terrible Millie."

I held back a sob. I couldn't let him know something was wrong.

"I'm fine. I was just watching a sad movie."

"Oh."

Noah clearly didn't believe me.

"So what do you want?" I asked annoyed. As much as I need to see someone, Noah was not the right person. I still got so angry whenever I saw him.

"Look I'm leaving to go film in New Mexico Mills. So it'll be a few weeks until I see you again."

"Okay." I muttered. I had completely forgot he was leaving. I couldn't believe it was already May.

"Really? Thats all I get? Okay. Best friends for 5 years and you don't even care that I'm leaving."

"Not anymore Noah." I said bitterly.

"I mean come on Millie. Tell me honestly that you don't miss what we had. Tell me you don't think about us every time you close your eyes. I can't get you out of my mind Millie. Day and night I think about you. I can't live like this anymore... So close to you but always and arms length away. Never being able to get to you or touch you..."

He paused and I could tell there was more than just rain on his face. Tears slid down his cheeks and his eyes were red. He blinked every few seconds but never looked away from my face. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't look away either though. I couldn't tell him its over and shut the door. 

He looked desperate. Worn out. Like he had been working too hard for too long without getting anything in return. His dimples had disappeared like he hadn't smiled in a while. His shirt, soaking wet from the rain was on inside out.

He was the one that looked terrible.

despite all of this, he had a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen in a long time. Since our night by the lake. I knew he felt something and I knew he was about to tell me. I held my breath as he fought to find words. Finally, after an eternity of staring at each other, he spoke:

"... I love you Millie. Thats the end of my speech I'm sorry for coming here but I had to tell you that. I love you." 

I couldn't answer. I was frozen. I was supposed to talk. My heart wanted me to talk. This was when I was supposed to say I loved him too. When I was supposed to tell him I was sorry and that I wanted to be with him but I couldn't. All I saw was the boy who lied me and treated me like an object.

I knew he saw it too. He knew I wasn't going to change my mind. The hope faded from his face and turned to anger.

"Goodbye Millie." He slammed the door in my face.

I stood silently for a few seconds, listening to the rain hammering the aluminum roof of my trailer.

I knew he was gone. I started to feel dizzy and my muscles just stopped working. I collapsed to the floor where I instinctively curled up, hugging my legs to my chest and bringing my face to my knees so I saw nothing my darkness. 

The End

JK theres a lot more don't worry. But were more than halfway done with this book.