Curl Up & Die by Matt Maltese.
"How do I help?!"
Just hold me— I should have said. I don't know what's going on, I just need you to hold me.
But when he touched me I still shoved him away, and then I couldn't tell who was who anymore. I saw him and only saw myself, fresh fear in his eyes and mine.
"Oliver, listen to me— I told you I'm not scared of you."
Thank you— I should have said. Thank you, babe.
He was scared, but not of me. He was scared for me, wasn't he? That's why he said:
"You're not going to hurt me. I know it."
But something in my brain went off. I... keep going over it in my head, still, trying to find an end I can pull from to untangle the reasons. I keep replaying my own voice:
"You don't know. You don't fucking know me better than I know myself."
But I love you— his eyes said back. I love you, Ollie. Why can't you see that?
I think that was it. I think I... didn't believe him. There had to be another reason, he had to be looking down on me.
"You can't just... push me away like that every time you get scared! Especially now! You know I can't come back home, you're being so... selfish!"
I know— I should have said this time— but the thought of you doing it first makes it hard to breathe.
"I thought I had made things too awkward, I was giving you space! I thought I had ruined everything, I swear. I was so upset, Oliver! I missed you so much!"
I missed you, too. Fuck, Miller, just kiss me again. Shut me up for once— would have that worked?
YOU ARE READING
Despair.
RomanceOliver is a manga artist, but he was once an angry little boy with a sunny best friend: Ian Miller. Then, one day, they weren't friends anymore. Oliver doesn't know when was it exactly that Ian disappeared from his life, and refuses to remember why...