DARK FORCES (Thrawn x Reader)

17. Treason

Waking up next to Thrawn is probably what you would have least expected a few weeks ago. Your head hurts, and other parts of your body that you prefer not to mention. The chiss is sleeping peacefully. You feel with renewed energy, the wound hardly hurts anymore. You don't understand that you aren't feeling pain, but you have other things to think about. The room is silent and through the window you can see the vastness and splendor of the most known planet, Coruscant. You think about your family, you are sure nobody told them anything about your condition. You prefer not to talk to them, you don't want to have to lie to their faces. You fear for them, now that Kallus, such a close person, has left with a rebel group. Hours ago chaos was looming in the Chimaera. Not because there was another attack but because of your encounter with Thrawn. You are smart enough to know that this doesn't lead to anything good. Not for your reputation, not for your sanity, not for anything. Your reasoning becomes more and more lost every day and you are scared of losing the notion of your own existence. Lately you've seen yourself doing and saying things that are inappropriate for you and you lose control more than you should. You don't want to neglect your work, not after the effort it has cost you, the sweat and sometimes with tears included.

You sit up being careful not to wake up the chiss, you don't feel like having any conversation with him. You won't even be able to look at his face after you surrendered to him. You've probably broken about ten different Chimaera rules. You get out of bed and walk around looking for your clothes, you want to go to your room and get back to work as soon as possible. You wear your uniform as quietly as you can. You take one last look at the chiss that is still sleeping. You know it is very likely that he's already awake. Yet he knows that arguing with you right now will lead nowhere. You walk out of the bedroom into the living room and then out the door. You can tell that the boots you are wearing, despite being your size, aren't yours. They squeeze you when you walk and you curse under your breath. You touch the panel on the wall and the door opens. A stormtrooper crosses your path. You look at him from top to bottom, today is the worst day for him to test your patience.

"You can't leave the room, orders from the Grand Admiral" he says trying to impose himself.

"Back off" you say, bumping your shoulder with his while giving him a look of complete disdain.

You go your way regardless of what he has told you. Thrawn knows where to find you and you have no plans to jump into space. Your footsteps are firm, determined, you want to get away from that suite as much as you can. You try to clear your mind, but you can't. It's flooded  with him, with Thrawn, with his scent. Your legs begin to weaken just remembering how he would attack you as if he were an animal. His fingers digging into every patch of skin. His mouth searching for yours desperately while he restrained himself from ending you. The way his hair, wet and messy, fell in his forehead. All of it was something magical and you can't understand how it all happened. Besides, you have been the one who has desperately searched for it. It was like you were going to swoon if you didn't have it. And instead now you run away from him in a hurry. You don't want to face him, his voice, his red eyes. You sigh in frustration. Your insides throb with pain. He didn't lie when he said that your body wasn't prepared to receive him. His size isn't conceivable for any human being. It takes less time than you thought to get to your room and the first thing you do is run to the bathroom to get the medicine cabinet. You take a few pills for headache and drink some water. You look in the mirror, you don't look bad. You would like to see yourself badly, it would be combined with how you feel inside. You don't feel bad about sleeping with the chiss though. Not at all, your mind keeps repeating how wonderful it has been. You feel bad about the consequences that this will have. Not just because of your work, but because of the Grand Admiral's feelings. He said so, he will never let you go. And you're not sure you can hold on having him so close either. You eagerly take off your clothes and get into the shower trying to erase any trace of what happened. Still, when you go out, the his scent continues to permeate your skin. You curse out loud and tap the wall. You have to go see Fer, she will be worried about you and she will know what to do. At least she will say some of her funny comments about the situation and you will feel a little better. You put on clothes from your wardrobe and you feel more like yourself again. You take a bottle of perfume and spray it all over your body. You don't know if maybe it's your imagination, but you can still smell him.