Tribulation [h.s]

07

"I'm not okay; I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me"

-

I've seen five guys get slapped tonight.

Candy has a heavy hand, that's for certain. That woman takes no bullshit and will knock someone on their ass with a smile. Like I've said before, she makes it very hard not to like her. She's a riot, and I like it.

I won't lie, this is a bit overwhelming, but thankfully, most of the eyes in the room are directed at the dancers and not me. Julie was right, though —  the tips are fantastic.

"Hey Dave, can I get two rum and cokes?"

"Yeah, sure thing, doll." He shoots me a wink before getting to work behind the bar.

A Nikki Manj song comes on, surprising me a bit. The music is usually very subdued, quiet, and only consists of hard beats and heavy bass. There's never any singing or typical club music. If someone wants that, they can just go upstairs. I will say, though, the music that usually plays down here fits the vibe of the room— secretive, dark, arcane.

The crowd gives a few hollers and whistles at the sudden change of music.

Julie would be losing her mind right now.  The song that's playing is Only. I bob my head to the beat, waiting for my drinks. Trust me; the old me would be busting a move right now. 

When David turns back to me, he's laughing. "You like this song?" 

I didn't realize I was swaying my hips before he called me out. "Uh... yeah?"  I offer him a thin-lipped smile, wrinkling my nose. Know that emoji of that girl that just literally stands there, and it's super awkward.

Yeah, that's me.

He shakes his head smiling. "You're a strange one, Allie."

Ha. If I had a penny for each time I've heard that one.

"She says I'm obsessed with thick women, and I agree, yeah
That's right; I like my girls BBW, yeah
Type that wanna suck you dry and then eat some lunch with you, yeah-"

The song is catchy, alright?

I place the two drinks on a tray before walking over to the table I'm currently serving. "Here are your drinks." I hand the drinks over to two men, probably around my age, dressed in jeans and a nice dress shirt. I force a smile to ask kindly, "is there anything else I can help you with?"

The way they chuckle and look at me reminds me of why I don't trust anyone, specifically men. They're all the same. "Uh, yeah, actually," the blonde one says, scratching his nose. "you're beautiful."

If anyone were to ask me why I cringed, I'd say it's because these two men clearly have horrible taste. It's so bad; in fact, it's hilarious. "Sorry, that's not something I can really help you with."

They both start laughing to the point where it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable. "Do you want to go out with us after your shift ends?"

"No," I don't even have to think about it. I used to be so bad at saying it. I'm quick to say no now. It can make things awkward, tense, and sometimes people will even make you feel bad for saying it. By not saying no, people will tear your boundaries apart and leave you with nothing.

I learned that the hard way.

I'm not letting anyone hurt me like that — not again. I don't have much of myself left. I'm not letting anyone take the broken pieces I've managed to salvage.