Tribulation [h.s]

41

"When you're in a room, you get my eyes
You open your mouth, I'm hypnotized
I can make you laugh until you cry
You know you got all my attention
You know you got all mine."

~ DOUBLE UPDATE

-

I don't trust people, yet, I believe in redemption.

Redemption is why I want nothing more than to be a good person. A little kindness can change someone. A little kindness can save a life.

I only know this because I wasn't always a kind person.

So, I guess my redemption, my promise to myself, is to be better – to be the kind person I want to be, not the bad one I was forced to be. I may hate humanity as a collective whole, but I believe in individual people. However, it's almost impossible to tell who's good and who's bad, so I choose to care deeply for everyone, just from afar — far enough to protect myself.

But, as of late, people are working hard to look into the sanctuary of my heart that hid beyond a fortress and stone walls. It's terrifying.

Although, maybe that's not a bad thing when it comes to Harry...

When I walk into the backstage room in the club, I settle down at my makeup vanity. I'm always the first one here, which is nice since it gives me time to unwind.

I dig around in my gym bag before taking out a photograph of Maggie and me. I wedge it between the space of the wooden frame and the mirror and smile when I see her little face. It was a picture from last year when she graduated from Kindergarten. She's wearing two little pigtails held up with pink ribbons and a white ruffled dress, and pink dress shoes. Maggie is propped up on my hip. I'm looking down at her with an adoring smile, but her gaze is directed toward the camera. She's laughing hysterically at a funny face Julie had made before she snapped the picture.

The picture is a little blurry, but it's perfect to me. It makes me smile every time I see it, and I figured seeing Maggie's goofy smile while at work would be nice.

I love that little girl.

I should get a picture of Cheddar and me to put on my mirror too. That cat is a menace, but he's super sweet. His cuddles make up for all the cups he's knocked off my counter purposefully.

As I said, he's a menace.

I'm wearing a long-sleeve black midi dress with a gold belt around my waist, black lace leggings, and black thigh-high boots tonight. There's always a moment after getting dressed where I stand before a mirror just staring at my reflection. Over the past few weeks, I haven't hated my reflection as much as I had only a few months ago.

I mean, just a few weeks ago, I wore a flowy, satin pink dress. It was a big step for me, and now I find myself continuing to take steps forward. To an extent, I'm starting to feel okay showing my body. To an extent, I'm starting to feel like my body is mine again.

Maybe the person I see in the mirror isn't a stranger after all.

Pursing my lips, I look down at my phone. I haven't heard from Harry in two days. I know he must be busy, but it would be a lie if I said I wasn't worried about him.

Do I call him? Do I text? I don't want to seem needy or overbearing, but I should check in on him.

If I call, I'll probably embarrass the shit out of myself. I gotta keep it cool. So I'll text him.