And The Sun Will Rise (ExR Fanfic)

Bonus Chapter

I love poetry even more than I love fanfic... so this wouldn't be complete without a few poems. These are all the pieces 'Taire reads in Chapter 17... just in case you were wondering why they made Éponine cry.

Rock Bottom

I'm in that place again,
the one no sunlight ever reaches
and no warmth travels to.
I've been here before,
I know it well.
It lives in me,
clings to my mind like leeches.
I call it rock bottom.

I'm in that place again
where my demons sing to me,
dragging me under,
bragging about how to best make me bleed,
when I'm trapped between lightning and thunder.
Pick your poison.
Sip another vodka on the rocks
when you're at rock bottom.

Drink to drown,
shrink the sounds,
think through clouds,
blink as the lights fade out
and you're lost in the dark
of rock bottom.

That's what I used to do,
because surrender seems easier
than fighting,
when you feel like you're doomed from the start.
But I've learned that the demons lie
when they try to tear you apart.

There's a reason to stay.
There's a brand-new day,
waiting beyond the battlefields.
And I promise one day, your wounds will be healed,
and you'll finally be free of rock bottom.

City of Light

It's written in every guidebook.
It's immortalised by the artists.
It's part of the glamour you wear,
like an elegant woman
painting her lips in the glass.

You are the city of light, they say,
but in your dark alleys, I found the darkness in me.
My drunken demons danced with the gargoyles of Notre-Dame,
nightmares of stone met those made of bone,
and I was a fool not to realise you're fuelled
by the dreams you steal
from lost boys like me.

You are the city of love, they say,
but you held no love for me,
and as my heart was crushed
by a reckless man whose honeyed words I'd learned to trust,
you laughed in my face and said 'C'est la vie',
taking my hope and my dignity.
But you couldn't break the core of me.

And the last laugh is mine,
because in the end, I made you my home.
I found soulmates and friends
In the streets I roamed.
I claimed my words back.
I saw stars in the black.
I found someone to love all my cracks.

I wrote my own happy ending,
one I'd never thought I'd find.
So, I guess they were right.
You're the city of love.
You're the city of light.

Unconditional (for Grand-mère)

You taught me many things:
How to nourish my body
with the alchemy of herbs and spices.
How to feed my mind
with words and ideas and poetry.
How to heal my soul
with your best home remedy:
A generous dose of kindness.

You steadied my hands
round your kitchen knives,
showing me the sharp edges of life can't hurt you
if you handle them with care.

You sang to me at the top of your voice,
creating your own off-key symphony,
making up for lack of skill with added heart.
You told me 'Beauty is in realness, not perfection'.

You reminded me
that the sea is in my blood,
so I wouldn't fear the waves.
You helped me grow my wings
and made me promise to spread them.

I wish you could have stayed
long enough to see me fly.
I wish I could tell you
that everything I know,
I learned from you.
I wish I could thank you
for teaching me the meaning of 'unconditional',
because that's how you loved me.
And it's how I love you, still.

Deeper Than Blood

I used to believe
family meant blood ties and shared genes,
stories of ancestors handed down
to form the roots of my family tree.
I used to believe they were the soil to nourish me,
and they would determine my growth.

But I realised how wrong I was
when I found a new brother and sister,
whose blood is so different from mine.
Theirs runs on bravery and street-smarts.
They are steel wires and power lines
and lightning in a bottle
to my flickering candle flame.

They took me in when I was lost
in the rain, in myself.
They carved out a space for me in their lives
and never made me feel like a burden.
They tamed my stray soul
with kind words and late-night laughter.
They gave me a home and hope
and toeholds in my uphill climb.
They went with me into the darkness
and led me out the other side.

They have sharp tongues and hearts of gold.
They are loyal to the last.
They love fiercely and fight even harder.
They refuse to let life break them down to dust.
They don't bow to anyone.

And though we may not share genes,
we share dreams.
We write stories together every day.
We allow our branches to lace together
as we grow our own family tree,
and its roots are watered by a love
that runs deeper than memory,
deeper than blood.

Sunrise

You came into my life like a comet.
Something bright and burning,
haloed in flames,
leaving chaos in your wake.

You burned my world to the ground
and helped me rebuild it from ruins.
We rose from the ashes side by side,
twin phoenixes who had thought themselves flightless
until they taught each other to soar.

You helped me remember
the glow that had always been within me,
the light I was named for.
You breathed life into the spark of my spirit
every time our lips met,
and our souls did, too.

You made the words come true
that I read long ago in another life,
on the walls of a room that had shown me the deepest black.
'Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise'.

I never thought a person could be a sunrise
before your gold, your warmth,
before you.