The way you read me

my world

                                          Chapter 3:

I loathe the author of this very book for trapping me between pages of constant misery. And what tortures my heart further is the fact that I am unable to escape this life and spend eternity beside you.

I constantly spend restless nights in my cold and concealed bedroom, internally screaming for some sort of comfort. For someone to rescue me from the demons that surrounds my bed, cursing me with their negativity. I've tried screaming into my pillow. That works on most nights, unless my father is home to hear me.

He's yet another one of those cold and scary figures in my life. He's emotionally distant and I completely hate it. I wouldn't say that his validation would fill all of my voids, but it would bring warmth to my heart. I've only ever wanted his attention, his love and affection. Just for him to utter the words I've been longing to hear all of my life.

"I'm proud of you",

oh, how my heart yearns for that moment.

But enough about all those sappy and sad things. I wouldn't want to bore you with my trauma. You should never have to experience any sort of unhappiness, even if it's not directed towards you. I'd hate for you to cry, that would break me completely.

So, my dearest, let me attempt to bring a smile to those lips of yours. And allow me to tell you about the happy little memories that rests inside my mind.

I remember when I was still a little adolescent boy running around with muddy hands, my mother came home with a little bundle in her arms.
It was a soft and furry pink blanket decorated with stars sewn all over it. And as pretty as the outside seemed, what it held inside of them were even prettier.

It was my adopted little sister.
Regardless of her young age, she had beautiful golden locks of hair that fell delicately on her tanned skin. She had the most adorable grey eyes, cheeks that puffed up and brown little freckles scattered across them.

From that very moment, I knew that she and I would have a beautiful bond. And that I would love and protect her as my very own blood.

And although she isn't blood related, she has definitely inherited my mothers kind heart.
They're both such powerful yet sensitive women.
I've made it my life mission to protect them at all costs. I believe that a man should never treat a woman with any disrespect regardless of the situation.

No one deserves to be treated the way my mother was by my father.

I wish I was able to protect her in those situations, yet I am not able to. The same way I am not able to physically protect you from any chaos in your world.

It hurts, love.

It really does. But I will always try and avail myself and protect you from the sadness of the world. It may not be as effective as physical protection, but it's a bandage to protect your heart.