Charlotte's Story

Dreaming

Ryder's POV:

All night I think about Ren. From seeing her to what I had told her today.

She stepped back from me when she found out I was getting married. Her voice changed; her walls were going up.

"What do you want me to tell you?" she spits out at me, her legs were shaking, and I could see the hurt in her eyes. It killed me that she was in pain.

"I don't know!" I proclaimed, standing in the rain just looking at her.

"Everything was great. I had forgotten about you, or as best as I could. And then your fucking blog advertisement, Charlotte's Life, popped up on my screen three days ago. The timing of it was too weird. So I read it. I finally read it, every last fucking post!"

"You read it?" She asked, standing a few steps away from me, and I could see compassion coming through her eyes.

"Yes. I fucking read it." I puff out, taking out a new pack of cigarettes, opening the new packet I had picked up this morning. "Every last word." And then I left.

I think about the first month of dating Ren.

Dating Ren was easy. Dating Ren and living in the same apartment was not. It was hard, keeping my hands off of her. And it was hard for her to keep her hands off of me.  When she walked by me, she would reach out and touch my arm. I smiled every time. "I'm sorry," she said one night when I passed her in the kitchen.

"Don't be sorry" I kissed her on the cheek. "I imagined touching your hair every time you walked by me for over four months before I let myself finally realize I was in love with you."

"The first day we met" I stopped stirring the pancake batter and look up at her, giving her my full attention. "I imagined walking over and brushing an eyelash off of your face, and then I wanted to know what your scruff would feel like underneath my fingertips." She smiled, thinking about it. "You scared the shit out of me. I wanted to go home that day."

I picked her up off of the counter, "I'm so glad you didn't," I said, dropping her on the couch and landing on top of her, her laughter filling the apartment.

I'm still awake when my phone pings at one in the morning, my phone notifying me that Charlotte's Life had a new blog post. I click on her post and read it. It took her five hours to blog about me...

Title: Dream Much?
Writer: Charlotte

Have you dreamed much lately? I would advise you to do it, but I recommend doing so with caution. Because when your dream, the main one, the only one that has mattered in your life for the past two years, almost comes true, it sucks when it crumbles apart. When you hear the worse thing possible in your life. Maybe I deserve it, but deep down, I know I do not. I know that I am a good person filled with a large heart; sometimes, I wondered if it is abnormally too large because I think love, even the thought of love, affects me too much. That aching, undesirable pain of losing someone you love is back, and I want it to go away. I don't know... Maybe it is time to unroll my map from high school and drop another dart and start a new adventure somewhere else. Because the realization of going one more day in this state, without him, is unbearable.
- Charolette

Shit... is all I can think.