Falling By Chance

Chapter - 33

*Jake's Pov*

What have I done? How could I? Damn it!

Roxy just closed the door on my face and I definitely deserve her wrath. I'm so fucked up that I couldn't even keep my anger in check and let Matt get the best out of me. I lean my head against her apartment door as silent tears keep falling down my face. I'm feeling guilty as fuck about how much I hurt her with my horrible words.

Will she ever forgive me? What if she leaves me too?

This is all my fault. I let my fears win over my feelings for her. I pushed her away. I broke us apart.

Roxy is right. I am a coward. I was so consumed by my fear of abandonment that I took my feelings and hers for granted and when the time came I backed out. She doesn't deserve this. You don't deserve her.

I miss her. I miss her so fucking much that it hurts. I bang on the door once again, pleading with her to open the door and let me in so that I can explain. But explain what? My actions were inexcusable. Still I try as my fear of losing my love is much more than any other fear. I'll beg and grovel for her forgiveness but she doesn't listen. I can hear her painful sobs from the other side. They cut through my heart like spears butchering my heart.

I did this to her. I broke my love. My sunshine.

"Please baby, I'm sorry. Please open the door and let me just explain. I'm really sorry." I beg her.

"Go...go away, Jake. Sort your... shit out first. I... I don't want to see you right now." She says in between her sobs. My heart twists painfully, unbearably, listening to her broken voice.

"Please, go Jake. Please... " She says and defeated, I nod as if she could see me and I leave from there.

"I'm sorry." I whisper before walking away with a broken heart. I did this and now I must suffer the consequences.

She will never forgive me.

I'll trade my whole existence just to hear her call me Jakie-boy once again. I long to hear her call my name in that teasing way of hers. Jakie-boy...

God! I love her so much and my stubborn ass, my cowardice and my fear got in between us.

I cannot live without her. She is my life.

You truly understand the worth of someone when you lose them. I understand her worth in my life now when I'm right on the verge of losing her.

I go back to my hotel and take a shower. I drown in my own misery thinking back to every wrong I did to her. I don't want to be alone. Not anymore.

I regret the words I said to her today. I knew very well that nothing was happening between Matt and her. Matt loves her red-head friend, Abby. I have seen the way he looks at her, just like I look at my Roxy.

My Roxy...

I breakdown into tears, silent sobs wrecking my whole body. I hit the area above my chest just where my heart is with my right fist as if to ease some of the pain inside my chest. It hurts so much. I want her.

I cry for my love. I cry for my mistakes, sheer feelings of regret taking over me.

I haven't slept these past few weeks since shit went down between us. Because of me. I cannot sleep without her. I'm too used to her now. I became too dependent on her and that scared the shit out of me. That's why I reacted that way.

Even Milo and Lilo are sad. They are missing her too.

I rake my hands through my hair in frustration pulling on my roots a little.