shorts || h.s.

epilogue two

"You've got mail!" He called, flipping though bills and magazines, pulling out a worn-out envelope the size of her forearm. She took it and slid her fingers across the tab to open it.

Thinking it was just another fan letter that had gotten in her mailbox by accident, she quickly flipped it open, not paying attention to the blank space where there should be a return address.

She gasped when she saw the all-too familiar handwriting that had been perfected over time. Her hands were trembling as she fell back on the couch and tears were streaming from her eyes as she read his beautiful writing, feeling his intelligence seep through the page and into her thoughts.

Dear Con,

Hi.

It's been a while, hasn't it? Two years is quite a while. How have you been? From the looks of your video, you seem alright.

Oh, yeah, I saw the video. I was a couple weeks late, but I got to watch it. I'm so happy you're okay and well. You made me smile just watching your lips move along with every positive word you spoke. I must've watched it forty times before I sat down to write this. I actually watched it just yesterday for the first time, which is where I got the idea to write you this.

I'm doing alright, too. I bet you're very confused as to the many stories you've heard, even though I know you're trained to never believe a single tabloid (especially after that awful stuff about you that was published). I'm safe and healthy—physically—which is all that matters . . .right?

I miss you so much, Con. No matter how many times I've accepted the fact that I'm not getting you back, my mind always tricks me into other beliefs. It's all I can do to stay in this dumb room and not jump out the window just for a chance to see you on the sidewalk in your yellow sundress.

I'm not allowed to see the dark, Con. You know how my favorite part of life used to be the light? The light as in the sun and lamps and flashlights? Well, that's all I'm allowed to see. I'm not allowed to experience any darkness at all because when it gets dark, I can see everything that happened so clearly and I start to panic. But that was months ago, and I'm sick of the light. I want to be surrounded by blackness. I want it to take me under and hide me from everything around me.

I'm really sorry. I never really got a chance to tell you, and I probably won't, but I'm saying it now in case this gets to you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry it happened, I'm sorry of the outcomes, I'm sorry that I betrayed you. I'm sorry and I love you.

God, I love you so much. I miss listening to your morning voice asking me what I want for breakfast. I miss watching your eyes dart across every surface around you so that you can take everything in. I miss smelling the bathroom after you spray that cheap perfume on your wrists. I miss tasting the cherry lip balm and watermelon gum on your lips when we kissed. I miss feeling your short fingernails trailing up my forearm and back down to my knuckles. I miss every single thing about you because you are so perfect to me and I just wish I could have you back.

You're happy now. That's all that matters. It helps me smile. It helps me crawl out of bed. It helps me down my tea. Knowing that you are biting your lip in that little half smile with a tear sliding down your cheek makes me warm inside and that's all I want.

I love you so much, Connor.

all the love,
Harry xx

*if any questions were answered, dont be afraid to ask more. if questions have risen, don't be afraid to ask them*