not all broken hearts bleed the same

it's scary knowing i'd take my own life if that meant seeing you.

What hurts us the most? Is it knowing we're still alive? Could it be the oxygen we breathe? Maybe it's that bottomless pit we can feel our hearts sink deeper and deeper into every day. Or maybe it's losing someone we love. Someone that was there for us all their life, and now suddenly; they're gone. Their comfort, their warmth, their love is now suddenly gone without a trace. Knowing that they're gone just hurts us and breaks our hearts. We can feel the serotonin, the butterflies, the love that used to flow through our veins; just fades till there's nothing left. We only wish for 2 things that we know we can never get back. We wish that they'd never left, and even though no one stays alive forever; we wish they would have stuck around longer. Long enough to wish them a good life. Long enough to hug them, and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Long enough to say goodbye. The second thing we wish for is for those butterflies to return home. Without your special person to stick around, those butterflies and the serotonin wouldn't exist. How could we live such a happy life without them, and knowing that they're gone? How could those butterflies and that roller coaster feeling ever come back to us, when there's no way we can ever feel anything again. We don't feel a single thing in our bodies. We are nothing, and we feel nothing. We're numb, and can only feel our hearts sink a little deeper, and anything that used to flow through our veins fades. We can feel our bodies rot to nothing because that's all that's left. We're depressed, and we know they can't ever come back. Maybe the only way to see them again is to meet them in the sky. So just like our hearts that sink deep, so does that sharp blade that carves into our skin. Some days, we'd go deep enough to feel something, because we thought we could never feel again. Maybe the pain is what keeps us alive this time. Maybe that blade is our only hope of seeing them again. Maybe we like to feel our blood trickle down our skin because it's a different kind of feeling. Maybe we like the feeling of knowing that we're bleeding out, and we could've done more damage. How could we live with the fact that we put those scars on our bodies because of that one person? We're worried about replacing that person with someone new, because what if they leave, and we feel that pain again? Those demons we've finally silenced, finally come back, and the urge to take our own life comes back. What if we follow through with it? Could it all be worth it? Was ending our own life worth it, just to see them? Might we see that person we've been begging to see? Perhaps we've just laid a burden on those we've left behind. Have we failed everyone who believed in us? Perhaps now that we're watching over them, we'll know to keep them safe.