not all broken hearts bleed the same

i'm trying to be better, but it's hard when all i want to do is fade away.

Life has gotten us somewhere once or twice, where we don't see ourselves; somewhere where we'd never think we'd end up. Once in a lifetime, you'd fantasize about it, or maybe you'd dream of it never happening. Is this real life? It's crazy knowing we could end it all with a single action. Whether we pull the trigger, kick that chair from under our hopelessly dangling legs, carve our skin as if it were deli meat, or maybe we'd ingest a bottle of pills which we could never imagine ourselves doing. But as always, we don't want the game to end, it's only the pain we want to see vanish for good. We want those pesky voices inside our heads to finally shut up. We want to feel that rush of happiness because it's something we haven't felt in a very long time. What do you fantasize about? Living your dream with your celebrity crush, or being rich and famous and having all the power in the world a single human being could ever want. Maybe we procrastinate. Wishing of all the things you could possibly want, and hey; anything is possible if we set our mind to it. But why haven't we pulled the trigger? Why can't we change into a better person? Not for him, or her, but for yourself and only yourself is where you'd see change. Write down those goals so it shapes you into a more positive person. You want to start eating healthy and feel better in your own body? Do it. Nothing is holding you back, and nothing is stopping you. Not a damn thing is in your way, or blocking your path; is this the path you choose to walk upon? Or perhaps the happiness we strive for is not change, but just pure happiness. It could be anything. To feel loved, or to feel that hot sun beam down on your neck because it's summertime and it's all you've ever wanted. We all strive to feel something. That single rush of serotonin; if only we could make that feeling last just a little longer. Those butterflies we feel in our stomach is what keeps us alive. Not to feel empty or as if you're drowning and there are rocks tied to your ankles and all you can do is keep sinking. You lose your breath and start to drown, and no one can hear you because your head is underwater and your screams are muffled by the waves. You can only accept the fact that it's over. The game of life is simply over because those butterflies rotted to dust, and the serotonin faded away and the only thing that's left in your veins is nothing. You feel nothing. We all reach that point in this game where we feel like we are nobody, and we have nobody in our lives. You're at the lowest point in your life; the lowest you've ever been. The worst part? No one can save you.