not all broken hearts bleed the same

oh, how i'd do anything just to feel again.

i'm not who i used to be. i can feel how i'm slowly starting to lose myself, and i'm becoming the person i once promised myself i'd never become. i feel like i'm living the same day over and over again. i wake up at noon, go on my phone for a few hours, play guitar, eat, go back on my phone while barricading myself in my room, do some chores, eat supper, hangout with my family for a little bit, back to my room, sleep at 3:30am ish. i simply don't like the person i'm becoming. i want to change and be better for myself, but i'm surrounded by excuses. i procrastinate till the sun goes down, and i'm already in bed. as kids, all we ever wanted to do was grow up. im fading away, and i don't know if i wanna fade to nothing, or get myself back on my feet. there's no one who's gonna reach out their hand anytime soon. no ones gonna burst through that door to save me... "excuses." i'm relying on other people to save me from myself because im too stubborn and selfish to open my eyes, and take responsibility for my own actions. i always have to blame someone else. that's what we tend to do, right? we've all been there? or is it just me who's slowly breaking inside? i've been trying so hard all this time to try and save me from myself. each and every time i lose myself, it gets harder to find myself within. "we never learn, we've been here before" - harry styles. isn't it true tho? we never learn. we've been here before. we never learn because we've been here before. that's the problem. we never learn.. we've been here before. how do i get out though? how can i save myself? i wanna smile, and have that serotonin flow through my veins again. oh, how i'd do anything just to feel that bubbly roller coaster feeling, and how i used to feel butterflies flutter around and take flight in my stomach. oh, how i'd do anything just to feel that again.