Jema

Girls and Boys {Four}

"Mom, they're gonna teach how to not have sex at school," Corey says loudly once me, him, and Toby walk in the door.

"Don't have sex in school?" I ask sarcastically. I know everything about sex. I'll be twelve next month, and the last thing I want to hear is sex.

Mom frowns up and begins to wash the dishes. Anna and Dennis are asleep at the kitchen table with their markers and paper. The tops are off of every single one of the colorful markers. I don't feel like helping them out, but I have to. We can't keep getting new markers, especially when we're saving up money for the baby stuff.

My mom frowns again as she tosses three apples to Corey for him, Toby, and me. She finally says, "Toby, has your mom talked to you about this?" Toby nods.

"She told me lots. Can Corey and me get on upstairs?" Toby asks. Mom nods 'yes', and they scurry away. Yeah, so the school is having a sex-education presentation. I remember two years ago, Corey had to go. Mom wasn't happy then, either.

"Jem?"

"Mhmm?"

"Do you want to talk before you go to the presentation tomorrow?"

"Nope," I say quietly. I know what she's gonna say: your body's gonna change, blah blah. You're gonna think about girls in a different way, blah blah. The 'urge' to be with girls might make you feel-

That's what everyone says. I don't think I like girls anyway. I hate this. I hate all of it and I hate the school for doing this presentation. All of a sudden, I feel the area behind my eyes sting with oncoming tears, and I'm running upstairs to my and Dennis' room.

I can see their faces again. When Principal Madison said we would have the presentation tomorrow, all the kids in class giggled and snickered. Not me.

A lady already came in three weeks ago to talk about what to do if we have problems with adults. If they touch us the wrong way. I asked to go to the bathroom, and I never went back into the presentation.

Jonah called me a 'homo-ceptual' when he saw me cry. He's stupid, but it still bothered me. I hate him. I hate his whole family. I don't even know what that means...

When I typed the words in at the school computer, all the websites were blocked. It's a bad thing. The school computer censors all bad things.

Jonah throws things at me and says I'm girly. He told me if I didn't kiss Marcia Hortman he would tell the whole sixth grade bad things about me. Marcia Hortman likes me a lot, but I don't like her. Why does he do that? The thoughts of Jonah saying things about me makes me cry.

Mom is in my room in five minutes like I predicted it. She looks ready to burst with her tummy, and I know I'll have another little brother or sister soon. I don't even want that. I don't want anything, and I especially don't want Mom to worry over me.

She sits on my bed and kisses my cheek. "Sweetie, I wanted to talk to you before the school did. Is that okay?" I shake my head 'no' and cover my face with the sleeves of my sweater. "Why not?"

"Because I hate sex and I don't want to talk about it."

Mom laughs, "Do you like a girl? Jema, it's normal to like girls. It's okay. Do you have a crush?"

"I don't know," I groan into a pillow. Mom laughs again. Why is she laughing?

"Does someone make you smile? Do you think about her all the time?"

"No." If that's it... Do I have a crush?

Yes. On Jonah. But I hate him. I hate my crush. I have a crush on Toby, too.

I don't like girls. I hate myself.