Jema

18. And We're Back

Nicky and I drive around town, listening to all the Fall Out Boy we can muster (which is a lot of Fall Out Boy), and barely talking. I decided I'd leave today. After everything that's happened, I just want to be in my own house.

"We'll Snapchat every day," Nicky says. "And if your mom says it's fine, I'll visit in the summer." I don't want Nicky to see my house. As close as we've gotten, I'm still not ready to expose him to everything about my life yet. Admittedly, he knows more about me than Dennis and Corey, and even my mom at this point.

"I'm going to miss this. Being all gay and shit," I sigh, placing my hands behind my head. Nicky laughs aloud until he snorts, and I can't help but laugh, too.

I know Nicky's trying to save his emotions for later, because every time I mention what it'll be like when I'm back in Colorado, he shifts in his seat, nodding and checking the time on his phone. "My best friend went to freakin' Paris," I say.

"I told Daddy I want to go to Paris next summer," Nicky says. "We should all go! I mean, Dev will be 18, he could buy us alcohol. It would be ah-mazing."

I just eat another bite of a cookie I stole. Nicky may be able to go to Paris whenever he wants to, but I'm trying to accept that this fairy tale is going to end soon. In an hour, we'll arrive at the airport, and I'll be on a plane, headed back to Henning. "Let me see your neck," Nicky says. I turn toward him and pull down the collar of my shirt just as my phone rings. "It looks pretty bad, still."

"I'll tell my mom it's a hickey. She'll get over it." I read Corey's name in the calling card. "Hey."

"Hey," Corey says. "When are you coming back?"

I sigh. "Headed to the airport now. Flight will be short. What's up?"

"Not much. Everyone misses you. Kelley won't stop asking for you... Dennis is pouting, of course." Corey lowers his voice. "Every time someone brings you up, Mom acts weird. I think it'll be better when you're here."

"Weird how? Because I'm gay? Really?" I complain. Nicky's eyebrows furrow, and he turns down the music.

"No, no. Not like that... I think she thinks you don't want to come back home."

I grumble, "I do want to come home. Does Dennis know I'm coming back today?"

"Nope."

"Don't tell him. Actually, tell him I'm finishing out the school year here, and I don't know if I want to come back." Corey doesn't say anything. "Corey?"

"He's gonna flip his shit, you know that."

I laugh a little. "Yeah, but it'll be worth it. Promise. And make sure Mom's in on it."

"If you say so. Hey, we really did miss you for a week."

"Yeah, yeah, sap."

3:45 p.m.

My anxiety kicked in at the sight of the plane. I only briefly remember what it was like being on a plane when I was younger, but as soon as I had my bags checked, I felt the build-up in my chest. I made Nicky stay with me until the minute I was boarding the plane.

"Here's gum, cause your ears will get all pressurized, and all that. And here's Cal and Anna's numbers," he said, right before I stepped on. "I love you." His eyes teared up at that point, and mine did too. I hugged his tall, lanky body for as long as I could before people who were behind us complained aloud.

Now, I sit in a row by myself (not too many people are headed from New Mexico to Colorado by plane), with my headphones in, but no music playing.

I get a text message in my seat, and look around. I don't know if I'm supposed to have my phone on, but I check it anyway.