Jema

Toby {One}

"So, what now?" Toby asks.

"What what?" I groan. I notice that Toby has scooted away from me just a little bit. I wonder how he feels about my secret.

"You know that sucks, right? Little brother in your room... and you're gay."

"I don't want to kiss my brother, you fucking idiot," I snap. Toby shrugs and runs his hands through the brown mop on his head. I'd kiss Toby, though. I'd kiss him all the time if he wanted me to. How do I tell my friend I want to kiss him?

"You hear some weird stuff on television, Germ," he sighs. For being two years older than me, and a teenager, he's dumb as a sack of hammers. I'm eleven and can understand that being gay doesn't mean you like every boy out there. Just like normal boys don't like every girl. "So, what are you gonna do about it?"

"I'll just pretend like I'm not. Nobody will know."

"Are you gonna be all girly and shit?" Toby asks. I shake my head 'no'. "Good. All those fruity weirdos get the shit beat out of 'em is what my brother says."

"I said I was gonna pretend I'm not. I'll just go on and not like girls, like European people do. But I won't tell people I like boys. Simple."

"Europeans do that?"

"I don't know. Probably. Europeans do weird stuff, but they're smarter than Americans," I sigh.

"How d'ya know that?"

"I read books." I sigh and take off my hat. "I know lots of shit."

"You had your first kiss yet?" Toby asks. I shake my head. "Will it be with a boy?"

"I don't know. Probably not. Then people would know about it," I reply. Toby shrugs. His eyebrows furrow and he huffs out of his nose, like he's thinking really hard.

"What if the boy didn't tell nobody?"