light shower

3rd of december

And there I found myself, eating dinner with miles parents and my mother.

Biting my bottom lip I frown in displeasure, I did not want to be here. My mom noticed my tense figure and squeezed my hand gently under the table.

She was trying to get me to feel better about this but I couldn't, I hate him. And he knew it yet he continued to act like nothing was wrong.

Like we are and still the 'best-est friends." And it infuriates me. I was just about done with his shit today.

"So ( y/n ), how's your father doing? I remember he would come with you everywhere."

When I hear her mention my father I freeze up for a moment, I can't remember the last time I talked about dad.

"Mom I told you, ( y/n )'s dad passed away."

I can see how tense her figure gets, how everyone at the table gets uncomfortable at the mention of death.

Miles mom quickly goes to apologize to me and my mother I can tell she meant no harm she simply didn't know.

"Ah, he did, didn't he? Kinda like a bodyguard or something." I crack a small smile at her trying to lighten the mood.

I can tell my mom didn't know what to say, she was at a loss for words at the mention of dad.

And I'm so awkward. There was no reason to answer her the way I did it wasn't like she asked me a weird question. I just make everything uncomfortable. God, I wish time would just move by faster this is so uncanny.

I look up from my untouched plate of food. Everyone was pretty much done with their food.

Mile's mom started to get up and grab everyone's plates. "Here uh, let me help." I took the dishes that were in her hands and started to walk to her kitchen.

"( y/n ), are you sure?"

Looking over my shoulder I smile back at her, "Yeah it's no problem, Mrs. Morales I got it." I just needed to get out of that environment.

It was no problem finding my way to the kitchen, I've been here countless times before.

As I'm putting the dishes in the sink miles comes around the corner towards me. "Hey, I'm sorry about what my mom said about your dad. She didn't know about the accident." I smile up at him.

"It's ok, it's kinda nice talking about him like he's not gone like he's not a forbidden subject."

Sitting on the counter I hand him dishes so he can put them in the dishwasher, "is it weird not having your uncle around?" I question.

Sighing he puts the last dish in. "It's not as weird as it used to be." Pausing he collects his thoughts.

"Sometimes I walk around the house and see he's not in any of the photos anymore. And I miss him."

I give him my full attention, letting him know silently that I'm listening to him. "But then I think about everything he's done and I-I just get so mad, that I'm glad he's gone."

"You don't mean that. You can be mad at someone and still miss them."

"I bet you miss your dad, huh?"

Nodding my head I give him a halfhearted smile, "yeah. every day." Biting my bottom lip I fiddle with my fingers in my lap.

"But, y'know it's... been so long that, like..." I turn to him sitting crisscross applesauce. "Okay it's like this, I'll be doing my homework, or I'll be washing dishes or something, and I'm thinking about my family, and I forget there was a time where it wasn't just me and my mom."

"And it happens for like a quarter of a second, but... I feel really, really guilty about it." I feel so vulnerable, "I've never told anyone that before." I say below a whisper.

"I mean I get it. It makes sense to me. I don't hate my uncle, I didn't mean it like that." I nod my head agreeing with him.

I knew that.

"At least he's not, y'know..."

"Dead." I laugh lightly.

"Sorry." I can tell he felt bad for his choice of words, they weren't the best but I know he meant well.

"It's okay. It's nice having someone to talk to about this stuff, you're a good listener."

"Yeah?"

"Mmh."

Bowing he says, "why, thank you." I giggle at his small jester to lighten up the mood. "Dork." Pushing him he smiles.

"You are too."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Talking to miles was a lot easier than I ever thought it would be. I never thought he would be the type of person to have feelings, as weird as it sounds.

I always saw him as a boy with no worries or cares I guess that's where some of my hatred for him comes from.

I can't believe I'm saying this but, don't judge a book by its cover. Just because we had this chat together doesn't change a thing, I still hate him.

"Miles."

"Hmm?"

"I still hate you."

"I know, but that just means I have to try harder to get you to forgive me."

Sigh, I knew he would do this. "Miles—"

"—no, don't try and stop me. I get it now. Why you're so mad at me and I'm sorry ( y/n ), I am."

Looking down at my hands in my lap I sigh deeply once again, "you should know that just saying sorry isn't going to fix anything."

"I know, I know how stubborn you are."