Escaping to Ireland

Vinessa

One of my best friends had been killed.

It was sudden, and he didn't feel anything, so Susan told me in between sobs.

Apparently, she and Cole had been dating since I left, they bonded over being mad at me together, and now he was dead.

I didn't know how Susan would take this all, she had been in love with Cole longer than Cole ever knew, and now he had been taken from her. It wasn't fair, and I knew I wouldn't know what to say to her. How do you console a friend over something this major?

It was Tuesday when I found out, and I couldn't leave until Thursday. I was going to miss the wake but not the funeral.

Liam had been my rock the last few days. I had almost forgotten about Shawn until I realized we were standing in the same line for the same flight home.

"I get it now," he said, approaching me with a soda in his hands.

"You get what?" I asked him not that surprised that he was on this Thursday flight with me; there were few options to pick from. 

"Why you are so reluctant to take me back even though you know I didn't cheat on you. This whole time I have been back in America depressed over losing you when you have been in Ireland shacking it up with one of the locals."

How he had said it made me sound so dirty.

"Shawn, that's not what it was like. Liam is my boss."

"Oh yes. I go around kissing my boss as well," he said, and then it dawned on me he had seen mine and Liam's kiss goodbye.

I had replayed our first kiss over and over in my mind, but it didn't stand up to the second one, which was almost impossible to believe. My lips still tingled any time I thought about it, which had been a lot. 

"It's not like that.." I said to him, not knowing what it really was like between Liam and me.

"Then what is it like?"

"He hasn't always been my boss. I met him on the jet on the way back to Ireland, and then we just kept running into each other. I don't know how to explain it. He's Liam."

He's Liam was the best explanation I had; it was like saying it is what it is. I didn't really see Liam leaving my life any time soon, and the thought of if he did leave my life made me sad.

"And then with Cole...."

"Don't you dare say his name," Liam said. "He stuck up for you all these last few months, saying that you would love to see me and that you would take me back no problem once you know the truth. Our last few months of friendship were centered around you. I talked to him non-stop about you, thinking you were as hung up on me as I was on you."

"It's pretty easy to move on from someone when you thought they were cheating on you," I said calmly, not wanting to start a fight. I knew he was grieving his friend as much as I was, if not more.

"But I didn't cheat on you. Instead, you were just practically cheating on me with some Irish guy."

"Why do you keep it saying it that way? Like anything Irish or related to Ireland is so dirty? I am basically 100% Irish," I said to him, walking away to wait for our plane to board in a different section altogether. It would be better if Shawn and I didn't talk on the way back.

Before I boarded the plane, my work cell phone beeped a text from Liam sat on my screen.

Liam: I hope this flight is more boring than the last one for you.

I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say to him right now.

Maybe Shawn was right?

Maybe I was this horrible person that he was seeing, and it was just too hard for me to see it because I was too close to the picture. My gut felt horrible any time Shawn looked up over at me as if I betrayed him. But in the back of my mind, I felt justified entirely with moving on from him; I had believed he cheated on me.

And even though he had the USB drive to show me the footage from his news story - something still didn't feel right. I was leaning toward the truth that Shawn had not cheated on me, but when they had stepped out of that apartment, they both looked guilty. That could have been because of the story they had unraveled, and I had no clue how either of them would come upon the footage that they had.

The day before, Liam was standing in his office with me. I had stopped in to grab my laptop that I had reluctantly forgotten, but part of me wondered if I did it to see Liam one last time before going back to America.

"Hey," he said, stepping out of his office and walking toward mine.

"I forgot this somehow," I said, picking up my bag.

"You had a rough day," he said, talking about my meltdown in his office the day before. It was hard not to break down any time I remembered why I was going back to America.

"It's just hard," I said, thinking about when my mother had passed away. Thinking about when she told me I had always been her princess no matter what, even though I had left her for so many months, making her battle cancer I never knew she had. And then, instead of staying around to help my Aunt Wanda with her death, I ended up leaving a few weeks later.

Wanda had to deal with the house.

I just couldn't do it.

The funeral was hard enough, the windows were covered, and all the mirrors were covered. It was depressing, and I knew my mother would have never liked having her funeral inside; she would have wanted to be out in the open with the wind whipping about as we shared stories about the person she was. About the beautiful person, she was. No matter what I did in life, I could never make up for leaving her behind; I should have stayed, but thinking about going to America and experiencing something new was too shiny not to reach out at.

"I am sorry, all the first-class spots were taken when I booked your ticket," Liam said, bringing me back to him.

"You booked me a ticket? Yourself?" I asked, joking with him; I did most of the small details like booking hotel rooms for him and making reservations.

"You know I have done it before. But don't tell anyone you will ruin my reputation."

I had stopped messing with my bag and looked up at him. "You really didn't need to book me a ticket. I could have gotten it myself."

"Vinessa, a thank you is all I need."

"Well... Thank you," I said, not sure I liked that he had spent so much money on me. A one-way ticket was terrible enough, but the round trip was very expensive. "Is there anything in Chicago I can do for FlyLeaf while I'm there?" I asked.

"No. You really shouldn't be here now. Do you need a lift back to Wanda's?"

"No. My friend Jennifer is waiting for me. Thank you again."

"Anything for you." He said, and part of me believed he really meant it and that they were not just words to fill the quiet. "I'll pick you up tomorrow and take you to the airport."

"That's not necessary," I told him, but he insisted. And even as he argued with picking me up, I knew that I wanted him to. And then when he dropped me off at the airport, he kissed me.

It was a type of kiss I had never experienced before. The type of kiss that made me want to hold on and not let go.

But I reluctantly pulled away, not wanting to make a spectacle in front of complete strangers. Since I had believed that Shawn was my one true love, I had been comparing everything of Liam to Shawn. And yeah, Shawn had him beat in some areas like he had always been sweet and sensitive, whereas Liam can sometimes be brash and too candor.

But that kiss... There was no competition between Shawn and Liam; as far as kissing, Liam was the victor.

Apparently, Shawn had seen the kiss transpire between Liam and me. My stomach felt like it had been punched when I saw the look in his eyes. He was going through losing one of his best friends just like I was.

At first, Shawn and Cole didn't like each other, but they became pretty close friends as they worked out together at the same gym. Close enough friends that Shawn could have Cole throw a party just so he could see me again.

Not only had Shawn seen the kiss between Liam and me, but now I had to endure a twelve-hour plane ride sitting across from him. It was a huge jet, and I had to sit across from him.

It was almost unbearable, the silence that sat there between us.