Escaping to Ireland

Liam

Like most things with Vinessa, her meeting my son had not gone like I had pictured it would.

"Well..." Vinessa said a few hours after laying in Bennett's bed with him.

She had finally walked down to the living room, I wanted to sleep, but I needed to see her explain. "You have a son."

"I have a son," I said, standing up walking over to her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, to breathe her hair. But I knew I did not deserve that after practically a month of silence.

"An adorable son." She smiled; it seemed like a sad smile. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I've been racking my brain at everything that could have happened. I asked around as much as I could at the office, had lunch with your brother... Went to "brunch" with your mother...." She looked as exhausted as I felt. "It stunned me...."

"What did?" I asked her.

"That your mother knew something more than I did. She wouldn't say anything, but I knew she knew, and she was holding out on me. She was practically gloating in my face."

"I'm sorry," I said; I rubbed my hand over my face. How had I neglected her so much the last three weeks? Why had I assumed she would be welcoming me with arms wide open. "I had to have my father call in a few favors. The whole thing was a mess... I just needed to make sure that Bennett made it home with me. Legally."

Whatever she had been thinking pivoted. "He is yours one hundred percent?"

"I dotted my I's and crossed my Ts with full custody. It would be hard for her to come back and get him, legally. And for the fact that she is in rehab for the third time this year, should help with my case if she ever tried to."

"That's good," she said to me. "That's good about the full custody."

"He's had a rough life. Not as far as money, her.. partner had plenty of that, but as far as having a full-time parent watching him. Not so much."

"That's why he seems like an adult in a kid's body," Vinessa said, looking up at me. She had finally sat on the couch.

"Something like that," I said. "His vocabulary scares me," and Vinessa laughed for the first time; it was the first time that we didn't seem to be on separate continents still. "I'm sorry," I said to her again.

"You said that." She said, her laughter now gone.

"Can you yell or get upset or say something..." I had moved closer to her, my hands hovering over hers.

"I'm not yelling with Bennett upstairs, his first night here."

"He would understand your anger with me."

"Would he now?" She asked, her eyebrows raised at me.

"Like you said, an adult in a kid's body."

A small giggle escaped her mouth. "Don't use my own words on me. He is adorable, though."

"As adorable as me?" I winked at her, and then a yawn finally came out.

"How about you go to bed, and we talk about this tomorrow over a pot of coffee."

I stood, and part of me expected her to walk upstairs with me, but she stopped at the front doors.

"Good night," she said to me, her hand on the knob.

I grabbed her hand and tugged her back to the living room.

"I won't be able to sleep without getting this out and done with."

A tear slipped down her face.

"I had no clue...." She brushed the lonely tear off of her face. "It wasn't fair what you did. I know this last month to have full custody in less than a month had to be a pain and a nightmare... But I would have been there for you. I was there for you; you just never reached out to me."

"I know," I said, making sure not to say I was sorry again. "But now I'm back, and everything can go back to normal."

"Can it?" She asked, and it was the first time I thought she would even question us; she said she loved me back in Chicago.

"You said you love me," I said to her.

"And you said you loved me."

"Loved?" I questioned her. "I still love you."

"How?" She stood, the pain still showing in her eyes. "This is not about me right now. This is about you and Bennett, and you need all your concentration on you and him. He needs a dad right now, and...."

"And what, you cannot be a mother to a boy that is not yours?" I asked her.

"That's not fair, Liam," She said, looking at me. "I'm thinking logically. I'm thinking about Bennett right now."

"How are you thinking about Bennett right now?" I asked her, stunned. She sounded more and more like she was breaking up with me. On the way home, I had thought I had finally had it all. I had Bennett, my son, and I would have Vinessa waiting for me when I got home.

"What if we don't work out?" Vinessa said, her voice slightly rising. Her index finger was being thrown at me and back at her. "What would that do to Bennett?"

"Why wouldn't we work out?" I asked her.

She threw her arms up above her head. "I thought we were going to work out. In Chicago, I thought everything was good and dandy, that everything was right in the neighborhood that I had found my "one." But like you said, everything happens for a reason, and for some reason, you decided to box me out on a major life event of yours. I get you were busy, and I get that you had a lot on your plate; I get all of that. And I get that having a kid takes a lot of work, especially a kid you have been estranged from. I get all of that. What I don't get is not sending one simple text, not calling once; that is what I don't get. We can't work like that."

I stood up, the exhaustion hitting me. "I'm sorry. What do I need to do?" I asked, dropping down on one knee.

"You are not proposing right now...."

I scrambled up to my feet. "I wasn't proposing that was me getting down and begging. Begging for you to stay, for you to let this work."

"Liam," more tears welled up. The type of tears you see when you find out a loved one has passed away. Instead of hearing news of that, Vinessa had finally realized that it was just the death of our relationship. That she was done. "I can't. I have to go."

I reached out for her hand. "You can't."

"Watch me," she said, stepping toward the front door.

"You told Bennett you would be here." She stopped.

"That is so crappy to use him like this."

"I'm not using him. You told him yourself."

"Fine. But if I'm staying, it's in a guest bedroom."

I stepped around her and dead-bolted the front door. I grabbed her arm and threw her over my shoulder; whatever protest she had, she kept it in. I wasn't sure if this was for Bennett's sake or because she had no fight left in her, and she was giving in to what she wanted, me.