Wouldn't Change A Thing

Becca

I woke up before Stacie with her head on my arm and her heavy breaths against my chest. I laid there a minute and admired her before I scooched her off my arm and got up. I wrote her a note, telling her how sorry I am to be gone when she wakes but had some business to take care of and that I'd text her when I could.

I set it on top of her phone and got dressed. I left quietly, not clicking the door shut. I went to the front door, put on my shoes and walked back to my jeep. Before going home I went to Marco's. When I checked my phone this morning I had missed his call last night. I pulled up, parked and made my way inside to find him. I pushed his office door open and he's was sitting there, signing some forms.

"Ah Becca. Howd it go?" He asked, referring to dinner.

"Nothing to report." I stated clearly just to get him to leave it alone but never that.

"Come on, something must have happened." He pressed for information. I rolled my eyes at him and crossed my arms.

"I tried to bring up Richard and it went no where. Are you happier with that? Jesus." I say walking out of his office and house. Once I got home long enough to relax, I started to think about last nights events. I have already given up on the idea of this being a strictly work related thing. I'm out and I'm leaving when I'm ready, just need to grab a few things first. I lived for this shit for almost 20 fucking years, if anyone can stay the fuck lost, its me.

I think about the things Stacie said to me and how they made me feel hearing them. I wanted her bad. I'm taking her with me. Over my dead body will they take something so precious from this world. I'm getting too into my thoughts because my phone buzzed me to reality. I looked at the screen to find a text from Stacie.

Stacie- hey you good?
A smile graces my face immediately. I told her I'd text her and she texted me first anyway.
Becca- I'd be better if I could have stayed. You alright?
Stacie- I'd be better if you would have stayed.
Becca- im sorry babe i had some stuff to take care of i had a lot of fun with you last night thanks
Stacie- it was one hell of a night but my head hates me. You really wanted to drive last night.
Becca- did i i dont know what i remember i know i held you i can feel your hands still squeezing me you sure you've never been with a woman? You've got a good start lol
Stacie- oh I'm positive. We didn't even fuck and I've never felt better, hang over and all. I would have never touched a man if I knew lol.

--- Two Months---

I havent seen Stacie in a few weeks now, that she knows of. I say that because when were not together I'm supposed to be watching her so I always have an eye on her. We were hanging out off and on for a few weeks after the bar but this last time I saw her, I fucked up. I got tired of waiting for her and finally made a move on her. I pulled her against me and slowly leaned my face too hers when she closed the distance. Our tounges fought eachother a while before she grabbed my wrists that were by her hips. She took my hands off her body and pulled away from me with the most hesitation. I stood up in front of her as she took a few small steps back. I held up my hands in surrender.
"Woah, baby, you alright?" I asked her with caution trying to close the gap. Her eyes were wide and her fingers held her lips before she mumbled a 'shit' and turned and ran from me. I shouted after her but decided it might be alot for her to take on at once so I'll give her space.

Now, its been almost 3 weeks since then and I've texted her a few times to no response so I decide that I'll reach out.

Becca- hey Stacie wanna chill

I sent it to get no reply. I continued with my day as planned until night hours rolled around and she finally text me back.

Stacie- Hey
Becca- hey you alright
Stacie- I think so. Uhm I'm sorry about the pier, I shouldnt have reacted like that.
Becca- I'm sorry too but I didnt mean to scare you away.
Stacie- no I mean the kiss. I shouldnt have let you do that. I'm sorry.
Becca- wait the kiss? So you didnt want to kiss me?
Stacie- oh no I did and that's the problem. I love you and I dont want to ruin such a good friendship because I need to fuck.
Becca- that's not what you're doing at all and how would you know if you dont try? I know it's just words for you rn but eventually you'll see you couldnt lose me if you wanted too.
Stacie- stop it. It's you saying things like that that fuck with me. I'm not supposed to want you Becs.
Becca- is it wrong if I want you too?
She never replied. I set my phone down and put my head on my pillows to get some rest.

When I woke up in the morning I stretched myself and looked at the clock seeing it being just after 7. I decided to get dressed and go to the cafe Stacie works at. I dont know her schedule but it's worth a shot right.

So I drove down to the cafe and as I walked in, hers is the first face I saw. I walked up to the counter where she stood counting money she paused for just a second to looked up and told me to wait when she notices it's me.
"I'll be right...Becca?" She asked before looking around. "You shouldnt be here." She said.

"And where exactly should I be Stacie? Since you have all the facts." I asked leaning on the counter. She looked around nervously again before she leaned into me a little and whispered "can we not do this here?"

"Do what? I'm just a customer waiting to order my coffee. Is there something you know that I dont?" I asked her with a smirk.

"I'll give you the fucking coffee. Just..please..go." she looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Damn. Was it that bad for you? You could just say that Stac. Fuck the coffee, im good." I said and just walked away. Fuck Marco, fuck Salvador, fuck Stacie. I got in my jeep slamming the door and peeling off for home.

When I got there, I just killed the engine and leaned my head on top of my hands on the steering wheel looking at nothing. Holy shit, she fucked me up. It's only been a few months and in that time she had managed to get me to fall in love with her. Everything about her. A tear leaves my eye and makes me even more confused. I've never done this before. I just want to sleep, never feel this again. I grab my keys and go in the house and straight to my room.

I stripped down to my boxers and bra and jumped in my bed hugging a pillow. More tears started to fall until Im quietly sobbing to myself. What the fuck have we done? There is no coming back from this one, you can just be or not. And apparently, for her, its not. I never thought itd happen but she fucking broke me.