Falling into sick

Chapter 5

I spent all night in my room. The hours ticked by. I heard Steve come in and Soda left with him. I heard Two-bit humming the mickey mouse theme every hour or so. The worst was when Darry got home. I heard him sit in his chair with a sigh. "How is he?" he questioned.

"I'm not sure. Soda said he wouldn't talk to him and when he tried to touch him, Pony flinched and leaned away." I couldn't see him, but Darry is predictable. He would have wiped the palm of his hand over his face and rubbed his temples. The time ticked on and I heard Steve and Soda enter quietly. It was like a hush had fallen over the house.

There was a hushed game of poker until Steve yelled, "Stop cheating Soda!' and Soda yelled back, "I'm not cheating!"

"Then how do you always have an ace in your hand whether it's good or bad! I was counting and no one ever has the same ace of spades for five turns!" There was some heavy breathing and a loud bang. "Yes!" I heard Steve yell. That signified Steve had won the arm wrestle.

"Hey Pony?" It was Darry. He had came to my room while I was enticed in the rambunctiousness of my brother. "Supper is ready. Do you want to come out now?" I shake my head hoping he will leave like Soda did earlier. Instead, he came over to the side of my bed and pulled the covers off. I rolled over to the other side of the bed as far and as fast as I could in my state, using extra precautions for my arm. "Come here Pones." I shake my head and try to scrunch into the smallest ball I could. He reached for me and picked me up. "You're extremely light little buddy. We need to put some meat on these bones." I guess when you stop living, stop caring, other things stop as well. I hadn't noticed I had lost a lot of weight, but I guess I can see why. I don't remember eating very much at meals before they found out.

"You don't have to carry me Dar." I say.

"You wouldn't get out of bed so what was I supposed to do, Baby brother."

"Leave me there?" I offer.

"Nice try. I'm not as easy as Soda to get away from. You're going to have to try harder for me to leave you alone."

"What if I say please?"

"That is always what you should say but that doesn't work for me." he sat me down at the table and set it around me. Pulling the plates off and filling them. He sets mine in front of me. I stare at it.

"I'm actually not that hungry Dar," I begin to say, going to stand up.

"Sit back down Pony. You don't think I asked the person who was here all day what you did? He said you stayed in your room for all but 5 minutes of it." He crossed his arms and gave me a 'nice try' look. He called everyone to eat. They entered and when they remembered about me, they became more cautious and were giving me looks. The same look they always give me.

"Hey Pones," Soda says as he pulls out the chair beside me and sits. "What's new?" I shrug and pick up my fork. Darry gives me a hopeful glance. I look around the table not wanting everyone to be looking at me. They are. I put the fork down feeling overwhelmed. I push the plate away from me and put my head in my hands on the table. I try to control my breathing but before I know it, I can't stop. Soda tries to rub my back but I flinch and move my chair away from him. He looks away from me and starts to eat. Everyone else gets the hint and start to eat as well. When everyone is done but me, Soda starts the dishes, and I sneak off to the bathroom.

I gently shut the door and lock it; Making no noise. I look in the cupboard for anything. Anything that would work to get me out of this world. They wouldn't have to put up with my depression. They could mourn me for a day or two and be done while I am at peace. I grab a razor blade from Darry's new pack. Luckily he forgot to hide them from this morning. He probably didn't think I would try again so soon. Sheer luck maybe. 

I debate turning on the bath but that would make noise. Instead I sit in the tub head resting against the wall. I take off the bandage Soda put on and think of all the memories of Soda. How great of a brother I used to be. I think of Darry and how he will be able to go live his life now that I won't be here, in need of taking care of. Two-bit wouldn't have to watch me all day, Steve would never have to worry about me tagging along with him, Soda would have more fun. I look at the dry blood on the bandage and on my arm. It sends a shiver down my spine out of nowhere. I hold the blade in my hand, place it on the same spot I had it when Soda interrupted me yesterday. I slide it down without another thought. 

The pain hits at first, my breath hitches in my throat. I look towards the door half expecting one of the gang--what's left of it-- to come barging in to save me. I believe they will, only it's too late. I can't explain it, I don't want them to, or do I?

Sorry for the long wait for updates! I had this typed up and completely forgot about it but I'm going to try and write more and find my passion in it again. Anyways, until next time- MCM