Falling into sick

Chapter 6

There's a ringing in my ears. A bright white light over my head. There is a beeping machine beside me. I feel a weight on my legs and look down to see Soda laying on them. I'm confused, unable to remember anything. I look to my right and see Two-bit looking at me. He looked at me the same expression they always do now a day, the look of "You're scaring me". I give him a confused look than look around the room. I go to lift my hand to my head and it feels heavy. Then, like a speeding train through the fog, everything comes back to me. I start hypophentallating. "Hey pony, its ok." Two-bit is right beside me now, he touches my arm and I flinch away.

"Sorry." I say because I know I hurt him at some point in my life.

"What for?" he questions with his cocky grin. I half heartily smile back. "They just fell asleep, they've been so scared. Soda ran in when he realized you weren't sitting at the table or in your room."

"Sorry." I say. Sorry for being such a pain. Sorry for trying again. Sorry I didn't succeed. Soda wakes up and the weight is lifted off my legs. "I messed up! I messed up again!"

"Pony! You scared us to death!" He screamed, raising Steve's head and waking Darry. He went to hug me but hit my arm and I gasped in pain. "Sorry." he says sheepishly.

"No, I'm sorry."

"What for?" I let out a sigh and drop my gaze. They know exactly what I'm talking about. I start shaking and try to calm myself. Then a doctor comes in and tells everyone to get out.

"I don't want to!" I tell the doctor. "I don't need to see a damn shrink." Darry gives me a disapproving glare and I glare at the doctor.

"This is not arguable, Ponyboy. Your guardian has already agreed with the terms."

"Fine. Let's hurry this up." Darry shakes his head and continues to glare at me. Soda looks at his hands and sadness radiates off of him. Darry tosses me a clean shirt and pants and tells me he's waiting outside for me. I change and wonder out, debating to go fast and get it over with or go slow and delay it.

When we get down there the doctor introduces me to Dr. Smith. She seems alright, but I don't let myself get too comfortable.

"Have a seat Ponyboy. That's an unusual name, I've never heard it before."

"My father, he was an unusual man. My brother out there is Sodapop."

"That is very fascinating."

"So, I know you have been asked these questions a lot in the past couple of days. But this is the only time I will ask you them." She glanced up at me a gave me a warm smile. I didn't return it. She proceeded calmly and tried to get me to talk. I'm not much of a talker and I definitely didn't want to talk now. Most of my answers consisted of shrugs, nods and shakes. I spent a lot of my focus on holding back the overwhelming feeling to cry. I chewed on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, the same one that I've worn for a week.

"I was told you haven't taken that sweater off since, is there a reason?" She asked the question but it didn't comprehend in my brain. I glanced at the door and then around the room looking for a clock. I couldn't find one. "Ponyboy?" I felt numb. The room started spinning, my heart picked up. Breathes came in and out of me quickly and my entire body started shaking. I don't know what's happening. I can feel panic prickle it's way through me. Dr. Smith stands up and leaves out the door. Tears start to slip down my cheeks. I can't control this. I don't even know what this is!

"Pony! It's ok calm down."

"That doesn't help sodapop. I know it's difficult to watch but he has to learn how to control it, and often being told to calm down makes panic attacks worse." She pulled two chairs from a wall. The entire room continuing to spin.