Falling into sick

Chapter 4

When I awoke, my head hurt and the house was quiet. Not entirely, but quieter than normal. I stood up and noticed something was off but I couldn't place it. I noticed someone had put the sweater I had last night on the chair at my desk. There was a small sticky note attached "Stay in the house. Two-bit should be there and if he isn't, I will kill him. You don't have to hide, but if you want here's your sweater." It sounded like something both Darry and Soda would write together and everything was spelled right so I'm assuming it was not Soda. I slip the hoodie on and tug the sleeve over gently. I tug on the end a few times. The cuff comes half way over my hand. I tug on it again, my mind drifting like the sleeve slowly returns upwards. I hold the end in my hand and tug the sleeve again. My thoughts drift to the 'what ifs' of my life.
"Pony, are you ok?" I recognize the voice. "Kid?" it's Two-bit. I nod my head the slightest bit and open my eyes. The light that Two turned on when he got to my doorway is shining bright making me close them and try again. Somehow thinking that was going to solve it. "Pones, you want something to eat?"
I shake my head. "I gotta go."
"Go where Pony?" he questioned. I looked at his face and he was giving me the look Soda gave me earlier. I realized what he thought I meant.
"I mean, I have to GO. Go to the washroom." He chuckles relieved. I walk down the hall. Tracing my hand down the wall as I go. I can feel Two-bit watching me walk.
"Pony. Keep the door open. Darry's instructions." He followed up when I gave him a look. I heard the front door slam shut and Soda's voice echoes through the house.
"Where's Pony?" I heard him ask.
Two-bit sat down on the couch returning to the TV he had left to check on me. "Washroom." he finally replied.
"Two-bit! Darry said don't leave him alone. Especially in the washroom!" I heard his feet dart down the hallway towards me. I never went. I just stood looking at the place it all went down yesterday. Soda froze when he saw me just standing there. "Pones," he whispered. I stood there. I couldn't speak, I couldn't move. Nothing is the same. He moved towards me and I leaned away, not wanting to be touched. I felt him freeze, hurt by my actions. I felt his eyes; pain and accusation piercing into me. I fumble the end of my hoodie in my hand again. I can feel Soda's eyes switch to my hands. He leaves silently. I feel terrible pushing them away. I just can't let them try to help me. It will only hurt more.

I fall apart when he leaves. Tears fall from my eyes no matter how much I will them not to. A sob racks my body and I bite my sleeve to keep quiet. I sit on the edge of the shower and take deep breaths trying to calm myself. I get an idea; I reach into the cupboard and pull out the Tylonal. I grab 4 and swallow them without water. I take a deep breath and walk out to the kitchen. Soda looks up at me, I don't return his gaze. I take a seat at the table but when Two-bit stands up after having a silent argument with Soda and comes over to me. I fiddle with my sleeve, sliding it up and down the back of my forearm. Every so often revealing the white cloth covering the damage that changed my life. When he goes to talk I immediately stand up. The chair making a loud sound against the floor gaining Soda's attention. I storm to Soda's and my room. I look around. So many memories hit me at once. From where I don't know. I see the book and Johnny's note in it. I take a deep shaky breath and bend down to grab my pillow and a change of clothes. I walk out through the open room and enter my old room before I shared with Soda. As I walked Soda and Two-bit gave me a questioning look but then both got the idea of what I was doing. Soda shakes his head and looks down but I ignore him. I toss my clothes in the empty drawer of my dresser and place my pillow on the others already there and lay the blanket over me. I fiddle with the sleeve of my hoodie. There is nothing I want more than just to be gone and not have to worry or fuss over anything again. I hear someone stand up and their footsteps are silent which is weird for either Two-bit or Soda. There's a knock at my door so I roll to the other side and make myself as small as possible, cradling my arm.
"Pony?" he questions. "Can I come in?" I don't answer so he comes in anyway. He lays down beside me. We sit in silence for a couple minutes. I feel my body going up and down with each reminding breath that I'm still here. "Would you come to the movies with Two-bit and I? I think I'll ask Darry if he wants to come too!" I don't answer. I want Soda to stop trying and leave, but stubbornness runs in the family. "Please Pony! It's killing me that you've shut me out completely. Come on Pones. You don't really want to die do you?"
At this I speak up. "Yes." I say it boring as day. Soda sniffles and I can tell he doesn't know what to do.
"I love you Pony. Come out when you want something to eat." He pats my shoulder, I flinch and he immediately pulls his hand away. "Sorry. I'll see you later." And I am left alone with the thoughts that may kill me anyways.

If anyone has any ideas please give them. I have a few more chapters mapped out but I'm running low on ideas. Please put anything! You never know when your idea may spark something larger.
Until next time~ MCM