Alive and Kicking

2.

The hospital staff took her somewhere inside where we weren't allowed yet to visit her or see her.

They were in several numbers like my brain wasn't able to register their faces to ask something from them later on.

They kept going in and out of that area with different equipments which I didn't recognized obviously except some test tubes type cylindrical tubes with lid containing her blood.

Are they fucking idiot or what? She has already lost I don't know how much blood and they are still withdrawing blood from her body by pricking it with injection and again.

Did I just called Lily a 'body?'

My heart sank down and I hated myself more than what I have been feeling for me previously. How could I call Lily a body?

She is alive, alive for me and she would have to remain alive.

I will make sure to not let her go, I consoled myself mentally or tried to do so.

I was there just like a lying human who can observe and listen everything but can't respond to it.

A nurse came out with a hospital boy saying, "She is broken like anything, I had never seen such case, god knows how many fractures she has along internal bleeding and injuries, she even has major cuts here and there on her body, poor girl," while smoothing the creases of her forehead may be due to worrying of the new admitted patient.

She returned back with few more medical staffs which seemed to me as a doctor and other helpers they have.

I couldn't resist this anymore. I ran out of there and sat down on the stairs outside the hospital and broke into loud sobs.

I heard a soft baby cry and turned to look towards the source and saw a happy family carrying a newborn baby hugging close to his chest.

He was probably his father in early thirties. He seemed to be so happy, it was practically showing on his face. As the baby clutched the collar of his shirt from front a manly giggle escaped from him.

He went towards parking area and my gaze followed him or I should say his happy state. He came back with car and opened the door to make sit his wife, his child and his parents.

Why hadn't I did this?

If I would have done this, Lily would have been still beside munching on unhealthy snacks while chattering with me, playing her favourite songs and  shows which also included mine without her acknowledgement.

And I would have been smiling like a loon on observing similarities between us. She would have been busy in trying some exotic dishes or which one she likes mostly to ruin it at first attempt because of not following the accurate procedure.

She would have asked me with a cute baby face to refill her water bottle which she keeps on the bed.

I never told her, but because of her this habit after her presence in my life I never filled up water in the tumbler beside me. I would drink water from her, from our bottle whenever I would feel thirsty in the middle of night.

He drove to a certain distance and then reversed and came outside and opened the door of her mother's side tucking her lap inside the car which was probably left when her mom climbed in.

I was sulking with guilt, with utter disappointment which I am to me and to my family to my dad.

What would I answer him? That I couldn't take care of a person who is my wife, my better half.

I felt a presence beside my while I wiped my  tear stained cheeks on sleeves of shirt I was wearing.

I stole a glance of him, Aniket. He was there with few papers.

'I have filled up all the required information but you are her guardian, her husband sign it. They need it urgently, ' I nodded and scribbled my signature there while tear drops continued to soak the paper on my lap.

"I am coming back, don't go anywhere from here, Darshan. Your phone is just 20% charged it will be a but difficult for me to trace you down while things here and messed up and complicated. Breathe it's not your fault," he said and went inside.

It is my fault Aniket.

You don't realise but it is.

It is me because of who she is here lying his broken bones and injuries while bleeding.

I was a bit shocked when he said that my phone is just 20% charged cause when I checked it was indeed 20% charged only.

But this matter was not concerning me even a bit so I let it be.

To get rid of what I was feeling I didn't knew what to do? It became so confusing for me, I wanted to endure this pain while I also wanted to escape from it.

Not you, you want her to escape from the pain which she is enduring.

I stood up to go somewhere, anywhere but someone took a hold of my hand and here again Aniket is present.

"I told you not to go anywhere but you don't listen to me, now I feel why she was happy with you. You both are quite stubborn, " he said while my mind replayed all her actions when she was too much stubborn to give my words a shit.

I didn't knew from where did I got courage to give him a weak smile? Probably from mention of her name and similarities between us.

"Why she was on bike Darshan, instead of sitting beside you in your car? Look I'm not blaming you or anything but I need to know," he enquired in a patient tone.

I swear if my best friend was to be in hospital because of his/her spouse I would have killed him/her.

But here he is talking to me as if I'm the victim.

"I taught her to drive bike, so she told me that she would go by that, I tried to make her understand but she didn't understood.

Actually it's my fault I shouldn't have allowed her. I shouldn't have taught her riding bike first of all."

I pulled my hair in frustation.

"Aniket, I swear I didn't knew any of this would happen."

I sobbed again not able to collect myself after repeating all the events to him.

Only if I would have known that crossing the door frame with you this time would have put you in the situation you are, I swear on my life I would have never stepped out of door frame with you or without you.

But Lily I can't change anything now, if it was on me to do I would have done it with the cost of my life.

"None of this is your fault Darshan. Calm down. Please," he pleaded.

"You heard me?" I asked him getting nervous all of a sudden.

How could he like I was sobbing and talking to me only? How did he interpreted my muffled voice?

"Yes, Darshan it was audible to me but just to me," now stop blaming yourself.

He said while wiping my tears off and tried to arrange my dishelved hair with his fingers with a smile.

Of course a fake one.

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