Alive and Kicking

1.

My eyelids felt so heavy as if tonnes of iron rods or cubes have been kept over it, that I wasn't able to open my eyelids.

My senses were numb, I wasn't able to think about anything. What only came to brain was continuously replaying of her accident.

It was becoming very difficult to breathe properly. My breathe was becoming irregular inspite of every attempt I made.

She probably died!

No!

No!

Absolutely not!

It's better that I stop making efforts to keep my eyes open, there is no use of that and my eyelids snapped shut engulfing me into deep slumber, simultaneously my forehead hit steering wheel with a thump!

I felt relaxed as if I was not part of this world where she is not sitting beside me. My soul was at ease of not fear of losing someone, losing her. But when has happiness stayed with me for a long time.

It was broken abruptly by constant banging on the window pane of car. I woke up feeling dizzy, as I moved my gaze towards window, there he was standing in all his glory of true friendship, Aniket.

He was speaking something which I wasn't able to hear clearly so I rolled down the window glass, he pulled me out of the car, I thought he was going to beat the shit out of me and to be honest I won't utter a word out of my mouth cause I deserve this.

I tilted my head a bit, and saw medical staffs carrying her into the ambulance.

He made me seat in the passengers seat strapping my seat belt, he moved towards driving seat and stepped on the ignition following the ambulance.

Meanwhile I was looking at ambulance with a longingness. I felt as if someone took my heart out and is running away with it, tightly clutching my heart in their hand squeezing it to take life out from it.

I forgot how to blink eyes cause as much as u wanted to do that my brain, my heart and my body wasn't in the state to do so. I didn't wanted to lose her from infront of me by blinking stupid lashes.

I consoled myself, if I will keep looking at her, she won't go anywhere, after all we had settled it between us, didn't we?

I had compromised on sheets, she had compromised on deodorants, I had compromised on her cookies, chocolates, wafers, doritos, cupcakes and what not while she had agreed on coffee  because of me.

As we entered in the city, traffic increased haphazardly blocking my view and I began to panic.

I can't let her go out of my vision or else she will leave me.

Someone touched my shoulder, then my thigh. I looked my right to find Aniket doing so and driving with his gaze forward with such a precision crossing every red light going over speed limits.

I don't mind him breaking rules.

He wiped my cheeks several times, then only I realized that I had been crying non stop silently.

I cursed myself for not being able to do anything except crying whenever something wrong happens which I find absurd.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand to stop the tears but they didn't seemed to listen me.

Lifting my legs on seat I hugged them burying my face into it so that I can escape from eyes of Aniket who was able to see me in this messy condition.

It's not that I am scared of, I am more scared of losing her. Shit! I am so busy that I forgot to train my eyes on her.

Hurriedly I glanced at front and saw it just ahead of us, I wanted to thank Aniket but nothing came out of my lips just a whisper.

"Don't worry, she will be fine!" He said as if he noticed me trying to speak but how is it possible when his eyes are zeroed on the road ahead and on the ambulance.

"I know you must be wondering how did I knew about this, how u reached there? But there are more important things than that now, I will tell you later on," he continued and handed me water bottle from dashboard, as I hiccuped constantly due to crying and my voice turned hoarse and my mouth turned dry.

I gulped  water few times and as I bent a little to keep it back on it's place I saw packets of chips lying there, both new and torn with few chips lying here and there inside.

I felt something tightening in my stomach and again the salty water flowed restlessly down the cheeks.

I tried to get some positive energy from universe but that seemed too tough to get. After all efforts I was shedding more tears that before.

I was feeling cold now as if I had been kept in refrigerator for a week or two. I felt my body shaking with cold.

I wiped my hands in my shirt as we reached the hospital where they took her out of the ambulance and led her inside for further check up or treatment for her injuries.

I fidgeted with the lock of car as my fingers shook with nervousness and fear, he came and opened the door guiding us both inside the hospital where smells of disinfectant would generally suffocate people of outside but it wasn't having same effect on me.

It gave me a hope as if I am going to get back  her. As I passed down the galleries I recieved many sympathetic looks which I couldn't return because of lack of emotion in me.

I saw her, lying lifeless and watching her in this condition made me realise how pathetic I am? How weak I am to protect my family and my loved ones?

My legs were trembling by now, I leaned on the nearby wall and when Aniket couldn't hold me further I slid down and sat down on the cold floor, as there was no sitting arrangement nearby he couldn't make me seat there.

This wasn't supposed to end this way.

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