Chapter 1 - Nancy's first day

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Nancy

Here I am, waking up in my new bed in my new dorm room. It's my first day at college. Everything is new to me, and a little bit frightening, to be honest. New is scary, and this college – and this city! – is big. I come from a small rainy town not far from here, and though it is comforting to have my parents and my younger brother close by, this is still new to me. Charlotte is here too, but her room is on another floor, and she is not as anxious about meeting new people than I am. Her boyfriend left for a college in Los Angeles, and so far, she cares more about skyping with him than meeting new friends.

As I put on the dark blue dress that I chose yesterday, my mind starts to drift as it often does. Well, I wouldn't really call it drifting, as I always know where it settles. My mind stops drifting when it reaches Luke's hazel eyes and warm smile.

"Stupid, stupid", I say out loud, as I get ready to leave for my first class. Luke doesn't even know who I am, and he has certainly never smiled at me! We went to the same high school, and I know his handsome face all too well, but I also know that he has no idea who I am. Because I'm nobody compared to him. Anyway, I might as well forget about him, 'cause he followed his girlfriend to a college far away from me. I slam the door and try to leave the thoughts of him in my new room.

***

On my way to my very first class, I stop by a small café on campus to get a cup of coffee to go. I got here three days ago all according to plan. I've spent these past few days walking around campus, getting familiar with my new surroundings. Routine is essential for my wellbeing. I'm comfortable knowing where to get coffee and how to get to my classes. I don't like being late.

The coffee from the café is not the best I've ever had, but it's okay. And it is part of my new routine. When I enter the auditorium, of course I already know where I want to sit (close to the doors, neither in the front or in the back), and as I am one of the first students to arrive, I get to pick almost freely.

I'm taking a course called European Postmodern Literature, and I'm really excited about it. The professor is a young-ish woman with pale skin – almost as pale as mine – long black hair and a small waist. She smiles a lot, and I already like both her and the class.

Someone interrupts my concentration by practically throwing themselves down on the seat next to mine. My coffee almost spills, and I turn to give the person an annoyed look. But when I turn to look at the person, I'm met with a bright smile that reaches her eyes. It's a blond girl with blue-grey-ish eyes. Her cheeks are blushing – clearly from running to class rather than embarrassment of being late.
"Hiii, I'm Kacie", she half whispers in my direction. She blows away a lock of her hair that gets in her eyes, and I can't help but smile. Kacie. The first person to talk to me in days.

"I'm Nancy", I whisper and turn my attention back towards the professor.

After the class I convince Kacie to go with me to the library to find Zadie Smiths novel On Beauty, because we need to read it for class. Kacie doesn't know where the library is, and she seems more focused on grabbing lunch afterwards. But she laughs a lot, and I really don't mind maybe getting a new friend already.

Back at the café where I got my coffee this morning, I text Char, so she knows where to find me. Kacie looks at the book in front of her.

"Can't we just do CliffsNotes?"

"No!" I almost yell at her, and it makes her laugh.

"Not the CliffsNote-kinda-girl?"

"Definitely not", I say as I raise an eyebrow. "I did not come here to cheat."

We eat our sandwiches, and I tell her about my family and how nice it is that they live close by. She tells me that she got here a month ago to catch up on some classes and that she already found a job as a bartender.

"So... you've been here a month, and you don't know where the library is?"

"Now I do. Thanks to you!" Another smirky smile crosses her face. She continues: "But! Little Miss Prepared; do you know where Moments is?"

"Moments? What moments?"

"The bar where I work!"

Of course, I don't know where the bar is. She tells me it is right outside Campus, and she encourages me to come by during the week. I'll think about it. That's what I tell her, but I can't really imagine myself going to a bar on a school night.

***

I spend the night reading my new book. The author is British, but the story is set in US. I don't know if I like it and take a few breaks scrolling through Instagram. I stumble upon a reel of Harry Styles singing Woman, and I forward it to Charlotte, because she loves that song.

Immediately she replies, and we text for a little while about our classes. And then it comes:

I know exactly who she means, it's an inside joke we have, cause Luke is most certainly not my man (oh my inner goddess, I wish!), and he is not here

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I know exactly who she means, it's an inside joke we have, cause Luke is most certainly not my man (oh my inner goddess, I wish!), and he is not here. He went off to college far away with his girlfriend (little miss-perky-perfect-tits! Ugh!). Or so I've heard. It's not like I'm stalking him or something like that.

 It's not like I'm stalking him or something like that

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That can't be. It can't be him. Can it?
As usual I fall asleep with Lukes name on my lips.

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