FALLING in love

Chapter 13 - It's beginning to look a lot like...

Luke

I don't know why I keep doing this. But I keep messing things up. It's been a little more than a week since I left Nancy's room after turning her down. Damn if that wasn't one of the hardest things I have ever done. I mean, I can't actually remember the last time I turned down a girl and didn't follow through. She did absolutely everything right. The sexy lace underwear, the mind-blowing BJ and hearing her say that she wanted me. I swear it was like I had gone to heaven. I could feel and smell how ready she was, how much she needed me inside her. And in some twisted way that was the problem. In an instant I could see the trajectory of our relationship. Not that we are in a relationship. It's not like that, but still... I knew in that moment what it would mean if we took that next step. I saw my whole relationship with Vanessa flash before my eyes. I knew that I would mess it up again. I'm a shit boyfriend and there's nothing I can do about it. I would only hurt Nancy and that was the last thing I wanted.

As cruel irony would have it, turning her down did exactly that. I hurt her. G effing d she looked so hurt when I climbed off of her and told her that I couldn't go through with it after all. I have been too much of a chickenshit to talk to her since, only watching her from afar when I have seen her across campus every once in a while. Today Kacie and Hadrien caught me doing just that.

***

"What ya doin' Sweetie?" Kacie says startling me from my stalled position in front of the communications building:

I've no idea how long I've been standing here but I spotted Nancy walking out of her lecture hall across the street from my building and I've sort of been just standing here frozen looking at her. She was walking with a group, probably on their way to the nearest Starbucks, when she was stopped by some guy running up behind her. He gently touched elbow making her spin around towards him. He handed her a book or something. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but she quickly turned around to her friends and they left her there talking to him. I don't know why, but I immediately had an irrational urge to go over there and wrap my hand around her waist and pull her towards me. Away from him. I mean, I really have no claim here. I know that. Especially not having spoken to her in more than a week. But trust me, it took everything in me to not just go over there a piss a circle around her in the snow-covered sidewalk to let him and everybody else in the vicinity know that she is mine. Realizing the complete caveman behavior this would be, I've remained standing here, and just kept watching her talking to him. Just in case he gets too close. Ignoring, of course, that Nancy is not at all mine.

"You seem to be ogling pretty hard there, buddy. Be careful or those pretty eyes might just pop out of your skull, Pretty Face." Hadrien laughs.

"Have you not talked to her yet, Sweetie?"

"No," I say with a frown. Kacie knows what happened between me and Nancy having heard the story from both Nancy and me. I know she's trying to stay neutral here, and although she gets it, she thinks I'm being an idiot for not talking to Nancy. A part of me agrees with her.

"It's not that easy, guys. I messed up bad. I don't think she wants to talk to me or see me for that matter. And I don't really blame her. I just don't know how to give her what she wants without hurting her in the end."

"Dude, we have been over this before. Nancy ain't making any demands here. As lame as it sounds, she just wants you. Personally, I don't see the appeal. I mean you ugly as hell Pretty Face!" Hadrien pads my shoulder.

"Thanks H, that's a massive help." We both chuckle.

"Sweetie, I know that she's hurt, okay. And possibly a little bit mad at ya. But just talk to her," Kacie says looking up at me pleadingly.