FALLING in love

Chapter 10 - Thanksgiving

Angie

I'm going home for Thanksgiving. Not that I want to, but that's what you do. That's what everybody does. So, I'm leaving Seattle behind with her rainy and cold weather. Southern Florida is still heavy with heat, and I'm happy to lose the sweater and boots. No one picks me up in the airport, but I never expected that anyway. I find my way back to my mom's place on my own, my stomach twitching more and more the closer I get. Goddess, I hope she's not drunk. We talked on the phone a couple of days ago and I'm pretty sure she hasn't forgotten I'm coming home.

Even before I open the door, I can hear it. She has company. All I want to do is run back to the airport and hop on a plane back to Washington. But I can't do that. I open the door and walk inside.

"Mom!" I yell. "I'm home. It's me, Angie." Just to be sure I always use my name when I enter the house unexpected. Ever since I was 14 and she was so high on moonshine and whatever drugs were available at the time that she didn't recognize me, and I got so scared I cried myself to sleep that night, and ever since that day I made sure she knew it was just me coming home.

"Angie-honey, we're in here!" my mom yells back. I'm unable to tell how drunk she is by her voice, but as I enter the kitchen where she's sat with Bill, Ponytail and Fat Eric I can see it. They must have been going at it for quite a while. My mom gets up and hugs me. She smells like soap and whiskey.

"Hi, mom," I say in a soft voice. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fiiine, honey." She laughs, and the guys laugh as well.

"Don't we all get hugs?" Fat Eric asks.

"No," I say. I can't stand him. Ponytail gets up, and I give him a hug. He's called Ponytail because he has a ponytail. His real name is Danny, but I guess there were too many Dannys, and I have always known him as Ponytail. To say he's been like a father to me is a big fat lie; he's a drunk and a criminal and he gets into a lot of fights, but he's always treated me right. As a real person. And as I have no idea what it's like to have a dad, Ponytail is as close as I ever got to a dad. He's never dated my mom or anything, although I think she kinda wants to. I mean, he's sort of a low life, but I've always felt that he deserved better than my mom.

I sit down with them and after a while I ask my mom about dinner. She looks at me like I'm the worst disappointment in her life before telling me that I'm welcome to heat up some soup if I'm hungry.

"No, I meant like a Thanksgiving dinner for tomorrow, mom," I say, feeling dread and hopelessness creep into my soul.

"Honey, we're having a bit of fun. We'll think about tomorrow later. You go do whatever you want, okay?" She's so drunk she can hardly keep her eyes focused on me and I can feel the dread and hopelessness take over. I feel the anger. I get up and grab the keys to her car.

"I'm leaving, and I'm taking the car." And that's what I do.

***

I drive too fast, the music is on too loud, and I even think about texting while driving. The want for numbness is overwhelming. I don't care what happens, I just don't want to feel the way I feel. Like I can't breathe. Like I won't make it in life because my mom never made it. Because I come from nothing. From the wilderness. Is there no way out but the only way?

In no time I'm at my destination and I know that I will be able to breathe again soon. I park the worn-out car at the local gator park and enter. Ray, the owner of the place, hugs me and lets me inside without paying.

"It's good to see you again," he smiles at me. A sober, genuine smile.

"It's good to be back."

"It's too late for you to do a tour today, but we sure could use your help if you're here for a couple of days."