FALLING in love

Chapter 20 - Taking back control

Luke

I've decided to go talk to Nancy. I'm not a complete idiot. After our last encounter I know the girl doesn't wanna talk to me – but I also know that she's just hurt right now, and that is my fault. And if it's my fault, I'm the one that needs to fix it. I don't want to be that guy that doesn't care anymore. Not with Nancy. I'm the one who can make her happy again. I know I can. I know that if I just get her alone, I can make it right. She won't be able to resist me if I turn on the charm and show her my pretty boy smile, as H calls it, and I really want to make it up to her. It's been too long since that night when she undressed for me and seduced me. Once again, I'm not an idiot, I know she was on a mission that night and boy did she succeed. I don't remember any other time when sex felt like that. It was desperate need, passion, wet sweaty heat and totally inevitable. Man, I wanna have that again and feel her tight wet walls clenching around me draining me dry. But that is not the main reason why I wanna talk to her. What I actually want is to tell her the real reason I can't be in an actual relationship with her and be her boyfriend. Why she shouldn't want me as her boyfriend. I want to tell her how I took Vanessa for granted, how I constantly neglected her, used her for sex and vague senses of intimacy never fully opening up or bearing myself and my vulnerability to her, and how I eventually pushed her away and into the arms of somebody else only to realize my mistake when it was too late. And I want to tell her that I'm afraid that I'll always do that, how that's what my dad does to my mom. I don't believe in curses, but I wouldn't be surprised if my great-great-great-great-granddad once tried to pull that trick with a witch who then cursed all of his male heirs into doing the same and never finding true happiness with anyone. But how in the world do I tell her that?

"Hey Pretty Face, are we leaving or what?" Hadrien says interrupting my gloomy thoughts as he enters the kitchen where I have been lost in thoughts looking out the window for the last 5 minutes.

"I'm leaving. You do you."

"Na dude, I'm coming with you. I'll take Angie for a romantic walk or something while you seduce the roommate."

"What? No, don't come, man! I gotta do this right. I gotta do this on my own."

"Sure."

"I mean it H! You're not coming. I don't need you with me on this one."

"Yeah ya' do. I'll just swoop Angie off her feet, and we'll be gone! You won't even notice. Leaving you alone with Nancy to do dirty things without an audience. Unless you like that whole voyeur-thing. I'm sure Angie and I will be highly entertained. We might even join in if you're willing to share." I know he's just joking, and the idea of a foursome should sound enticing, but the idea of Hadrien touching Nancy makes my blood boil.

"H, come on! I'm not going there to get down and dirty with Nancy." Although I wouldn't mind that one bit actually. But without Hadrien and Angie anywhere in the near fucking vicinity.

"Well..." Hadrien begins obviously building up to another inappropriate joke at my expense.

"You're not coming"

"Neither are you by the sounds of it." He laughs as he nudges my shoulder. "Come on, I'll work as a distraction, so you won't have to feel the wrath of two angry women at once. Taking on Nancy is scary enough without Angie chiming in." He says ushering me towards the front door, and before I know it, we're in his car on our way to the dorms. The stereo's playing some ancient-sounding pop in a language I believe is German. My man H is so pretentious. We get it, you study music Beethoven, get over it.

"What are we listening to? Your grandpa's old wank collection?" I ask sarcastically.

"No, it's Zarah Leander. It's from the thirties. It's beautiful, isn't it?" he smiles, fully aware that it's just old. Old is not automatically better or more intellectual.