Death,Please.

Jozi

'I wonder if you'll remember me.' I think to the world as I stand on the edge of the balcony, contemplating whether to jump or not.

I am too much of a coward to live or die. I wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole. I watch as people going on about their lives as if no one up there was contemplating death. I watch as the kids my age laugh and pushing at each other...they seem happy.

Why can't I be happy?

Why does it feel like my life is lacking? Like the joker pressed his buzzer against my heart. Like everything about me is rearranged at the most last minute. Like pieces of a puzzle were put together incorrectly.

Looking from above the building, everyone looked so small yet so busy. I wish I could stop time, keep up with everything I'm missing.

I lift my right hand to a 'stop' position and closed my eyes picturing the world stopped. I jump off the building, landing gracefully on my two feet.

"I was made for this-" I whisper with a smile of content.

I walk pass the frozen people, some had smiles on their faces and no knowledge of what was happening around them. I felt immortal. Refreshed. I loved being invisible. To walk around unseen and unbothered.

I loved the feeling of existing and yet not existing, it just made sense. I could be anything and anywhere. This felt ecstatic like I'd taken some sort of drugs, hard drugs. I just love being here.

Suddenly it felt like an earthquake struck and my heart restarted itself...

I open my eyes and come face to face with my intruder. It was my friend Summer. Ofcos that's not her real name, I just call her that because I met her in summer. The year that I happened to experience the storm that blew away my life.

I wouldn't say that she changed my life, because that would be a lie. She just kept me out of my head and distracted me from the hell I was facing. Funny.

Sometimes I don't understand half the things she say, so I'd laugh instead. It didn't feel like I was the one laughing though...it just- I don't know.