Death,Please.

Numb

I thought at least ten pills could kill me, but instead I feel even more numb. People would think that being numb meant not feeling anything, both physically and emotionally. But that's not the case.

The movies made it all seem so easy. Like you just take a couple of pills and convulse to your demise. Like you just jump off the building and die without any pain.

I feel like all my insides are going to sleep and yet brain won't let me. My tongue feels dry and tastes bitter, it's so hard to swallow my own saliva. 'Is my heart even beating?'

"I wonder if this is what it feels like to die-"

Feeling nothing. Thinking of nothing and wanting nothing.

Sitting here under the sunlight, it feels like my body is absorbing it. Making it impossible to breathe or move. I picture myself going back to my designated flat and taking a nap, yet in reality...I can't even get up.

'Just one step and I can jump'

I smile at the thought of falling down to my death from the eleventh floor of the building. Crushing felt better than this numb feeling.

A few people noticed that I wasn't fine, that something was wrong with me. It was annoying because I couldn't answer.  Words felt heavy, breathing took all the energy I had in me.

The guy from next door even joked,saying-

"- don't jump." He even laughed and walked away.

Did I look like I wanted to jump? Was it showing in my face? I could've asked him if he was telepathic or something. He saw that I was going through something and the person I was living with didn't even know.

I hate it when the day never ends. Now I have to pretend to live when all I want to do is bury myself in sand. Finally the long wait was over and I could hide under the blankets and let the darkness absorb me.

It was going to be a long night with the pills still in my system. I hope to die through the night.