a Little Blurry | Billie Eilish

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"now i'd really like an explanation." i say, standing in the door of the restrooms, staring my girlfriend down as a wave of worry flows through my body rapidly, filling every cell there is.
"jordan." i call as she just looks at me, scared.

i think she's having a panic attack.

"jordan! talk to me please." i whine, grabbing her by the cheeks.

"sorry." she breathes, looking away from me.

"i'm just worried. you seem out of it." i whisper, taking her small body into my arms.
"you've been so... different the whole day. why are you not happy? we have a house, jordan." i smile, pulling back and meeting her eyes, capturing them in my own.

"i know." my girl whispers, returning the sweet gesture by smiling as well.
"and i didn't want to cause any problems, you gotta believe-" she starts.

"i know, baby. i do." i begin, intertwining our fingers lovingly, swinging them between us.
"you know you can talk to me, right?"

she nods and i motion for her to talk.

"i just-" her eyes wander around the room before finding mine again.
"i just started my period, nothing serious." she hesitates, trying to smile.

"you sure?"

"yeah."

"hmm okay... but why did you panic so much?" i ask softly, knowing she never had problems with any attacks of this sort. or any sort, even.

"i don't know. it's just a lot, i guess." she shrugs.

"alright. i love you." i tell her, hugging her once more before agreeing to go back to our families.

"i love you, too."

ℵ

so, we went back to our table and enjoyed the rest of the night as much as we possibly could. jordan was still not really in the mood to eat her dessert, nor did she want to drink champagne with us but being the person i am, i didn't pressure her into anything she wasn't comfortable with.

but i'm proud of my girlfriend, she let her worries go for a little and made the best of the night.
even laughing and joking along.

and we all know how hard this time of the month can be for girls, that's why i want nothing else but for her to know that i'm always there.
anytime, any day, any night.

ℵ

"tonight was great!" jordan's dad states after we all stepped out of the restaurant.

from the corner of my eye i see camera lights flashing and coming closer. ugh.
paparazzi.

"i agree, we definitely gotta do this again once our lovey lovebirds moved in!" claudia giggles, holding onto my brother's arm for support.

i gotta admit.. my family- and friends' support means everything to me, for real.

"for sure. tonight was great." i agree.

we small talk for a short time longer until it becomes to crowded on the sidewalk.
more and more people came by and wanted photos, besides all the paparazzi that were already there, swamping us.

ℵ

"aren't they all just such dorks?" i laugh, stumbling into the apartment while trying to find the light switch in the pitch darkness.