a Little Blurry | Billie Eilish

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beware, this is corny af.

billie pov

"... for once." i laugh, trying to find a glimpse of joy in jordans eyes.

vainly.

"let's talk about this in the morning." i lick my lips, trying to turn the mood and make her forget about naomi.

my hands travel up her chest to her face, settling on either of her cheeks, kissing her again.

swiftly, i turn around, switching our positions so i'm on top, still kissing her.

a kiss followed by a kiss and yet another kiss.

"i miss you so much. everything about you." i whisper against the silky skin of my girlfriend's neck, starting to leave marks.

"billie-" jordan says, grabbing my arms.

"you're so beautiful." i tell her from the bottom of my heart, feeling the lust inside of me increasing.
"mh."

she feels so soft.

"let me see those gorgeous curves, baby." i smirk, sitting up between her legs and lifting her shirt up.
"wow." i gush.

"can you-" jordan squirms quietly, becoming impatient.

"yes baby."

"no bil-"

after her shirt met the cold of our dark, wooden floor, my hands soon start moving up to squeeze her perfect breasts.

"i love you." i whisper, leaning down to give her collar bone a soft kiss.

"billie-"

"shh..." i interrupt, sliding my tongue into her mouth.

"no!" she suddenly yells, pulling back and shoving me off of her in a matter of seconds.

"what?-"

"billie! i said no!"

"wha- what?" i ask, not knowing what the fuck she means.

as i distance myself from jordan, all these thoughts and questions started bombarding my system.

i thought she wanted this.
she does... right?
what did i do?

"jordan?!" i stutter, still trying to solve the puzzle.

"sorry." she apologizes, grabbing her shirt and sitting on the edge of the bed, staring into the dark.

"great." i sigh ironically, rubbing my forehead.

"i just can't-"

"you can't what, jordan? huh? show me your body? for her you get undressed but not for me?"

"what-"

"i'm right, ain't i?"

silence.

"why don't you talk to me? why don't you trust me?" i call out, standing up so i can look down at her.

after she still doesn't react, i walk around the bed and stop in front of her.

sighing, i ask her more.

"did i do something wrong? anything? at any point?"

her eyes find mine, wanting me to stop.
that begging look of hers. that just please stop look.
i can't stand it anymore.

"do you still love me?"

"yes, billie. of course." she says, tears starting to roll slowly.

"then why do you run away from me?" i ask.
... "are you not happy in this apartment?"