a Little Blurry | Billie Eilish

¹⁹ my possession

jordan pov

"this is so pretty!" i shout, adoringly running from one end of the suite to the other.

"you like it?" billie asks, approaching my figure as she firmly slides her hands down to hold my waist from behind.

after minutes of staring out at the lights reflecting in the water, i turn around in her hold and look at her with a huge grin on my face.

"you're so happy, baby." billie pouts, bringing her fingers up to hold the sides of my face. "i love seeing you smile." she whispers, innocently pecking my lips before pulling back.

"so, if you need anything... don't shy away from calling the reception, we're looking forward to making this the best visit possible for you." the guy that showed us to our room, says, awkwardly standing by the door.

"we will, thank you." billie smiles, stepping forward and handing him a twenty dollar bill. he thanks us and leaves, closing the door behind himself. "have you seen the bedroom yet?" billie smirks, pointing to a door after i shook my head 'no'. "the bed is right above the water, tomorrow you'll be able to see all the fish swimming by."

"you're kidding." i shake my head in disbelief, stepping into the dark bedroom. as i look down, i notice the glass floor. "oh my god."

"let's go to sleep, okay?"

"sure." i say, walking back to get the duffle bag she brought. "did you even bring any clothes at all?"

"of course. not a lot but enough for our stay here. plus, we could always go shopping."

"right." i chuckle, getting ready for bed and so does she.

can i just mention, that ever since my anorexia has started to get serious, billie and i haven't gone any further than making out. hell, even touching was too much for me at times. i always felt like i didn't have the body anymore that she fell in love with.
sucks to suck, i guess.

"i'mma take a quick shower though." billie let's me know, sliding off her clothes as she stands behind me in the bathroom.

staring at her getting undressed through the mirror obviously didn't help with the things i was starting to feel. she's just way too attractive for me to stay calm.

"hurry, i wanna cuddle." i say, making eye contact with her.

"you're not gonna join?"

"not now, bil. sorry." i tell her as i shake my head.

grabbing a new toothbrush from the counter, i start applying tooth paste. then after finishing my skin care routine, i grab billie's aquaphor and spread it evenly on my lips before laying my eyes on her reflection in the mirror once more.

focus, jordan.

"mhm... makes me wanna take a picture make a movie with you... dadada... mhhh... better lock your phone... dadadada..." billie starts singing, humming occasionally in between the lines.

"when's the album coming out, by the way?" i question, turning around to billie even though the stained glass separates us from seeing each other.

"uhm, we're working on it right now. danny's gonna call us in for a meeting after our trip." she answers, her voice slightly muffled by the sounds of the splashing water.

"that's cool. what about tour, you got any infos on that yet?"

"it's not gonna start until next year, that's all i know. and we still have to finish like four or five songs that we started writing on."