life - a series of poems

it's been a while

hey

it's been a little while since i've updated this

i know no one really cares,

but it's getting hard again.

it's my last year of high school

but why does it seem so much more intimidating than the first?

i thought i was happy 

i thought i was ready

i thought i had gotten past it

but it's coming back.

korea.

it's the only place i can call home.

it's the only place i've ever felt home.

but i'm still stuck here

while i watch her

laughing, having fun, going out with friends, exploring

while going to school

in the one place

i would give up everything to be in.

i think she forgot about me.

i shouldn't feel like this

but it really feels like she left me behind.

we were supposed to go together

we were supposed to be missing it together

but now i'm the only one missing it.

i'm longing for it

that feeling

the feeling of being home

i try to be happy here

but it's all a facade

i don't feel like i belong here

i'm supposed to be over there

i've always supposed to have been there

where she is

with her

but why 

am i suddenly alone?

i have such a precious friend here with me

and i don't want to say it

but i would leave everything behind

i would drop it all

if it meant

i could be there again.

i cry

i sob

imagining

what it would be like

walking those streets again

seeing all of those people

hearing the laughter

hearing the joy

and experiencing that joy myself

i miss it so much

it's the only place i wanna be

and i can't be there

i can only watch

as she

lives our dream

by herself.