life - a series of poems

mutuals

the spring
of sophomore year
i was with my friend
when she told me
she knew this guy
who she thought
i'd like
and asked
if i wanted his number
as a joke
i said yes
first we snapped
he was pretty cute
he said i was cute too
which made my heart jump
but i ignored it
we started talking
a lot
we texted
until 3 am
and asked each other questions
like "what's your biggest fear?"
or "what won't you admit to yourself?"
that was the most
i had ever opened up to someone
not even my friends
and family
knew some of the things
i told him
he stayed up with me
when i had to write a huge paper
and helped me through it
i would text him
whenever i thought of something funny
he would reply
laughing
sometimes
he would video call me
but i would never answer
because i was scared
of my parents starting a fight
in the background
actually
i never video called anyone
because i was so scared
but one day
he video called me
and
i got ready
fixed my hair
grabbed my stuffed animal
and answered
and asked why he called me and what was up
and he responded
"i only called because i didn't think you would pick up"
oh.
that's ok
i usually don't
but we talked for a little bit
he danced
i laughed
then hung up
to help his friend "julia"
with her homework
when i had told him earlier
that i was struggling with the same subject
but it was ok
maybe he was closer with her
that's ok
he never video called me again
that was fine
i don't usually answer anyway
but his replies
started getting shorter
he wouldn't reply as fast
i sent a sentence
he sent a shorter one
then a word
then nothing at all
until he left me on read
and didn't respond
i asked him why
he didn't respond
so i gave up
i know we weren't dating
we weren't even a "thing"
but it still hurts
when the person
you trusted the most
leaves you.