The Walls She Made

19: Stay away from her

Song- Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish

Xavier

I wrap my arms around the now limp body of Crystal as I try my hardest to not look at her paperwhite face. it is pissing me off more than anything in this world right now that the girl in my arms might have gone through a trauma and when I say trauma the first traumatic event that my brain can think of is abuse. fucking abuse damn it and I would be lying if I say that I did not think about sexual abuse. once that thing crossed my mind, it felt like I will burst-literally-burst any second.

I tell myself to not conclude having evidence but I am pretty sure that she has gone through PTSD. a very common disorder which is the cause of having nightmares, panic attacks, specific things or people who trigger a reaction out of you, flashbacks so vivid that many times people feel like they are re-living the traumatic event or seeing it before their eyes just like a few seconds before.

she was scared, terrified to the core and that was visible in her shaking structure and eyes. written all over her god damn face. as if she is scared that something might happen or to be more specific, someone might come and hurt her. and that makes it clear that someone had hurt her and the was physical and it was so bad that she, for the mother of god gets a panic attack this bad and is crying, choking, fucking inhuman nature.

she is limb right now, fainted. for some reason, I find this better than her shattering structure a few minutes before. she looks in peace like she is sleeping and she is in peace not at all like the girl knew minutes ago. just in the piece and for the second time ever since I met her I get to look at her face free from her usual expression. I was not able to admire it the first time as I was too much in a rush to take her to the hospital but now as I look down at her, she looks so in peace.

her eyebrows are not touching or either forming a bridge, her forehead is not coved with lines, her eyebrows are sharp and are perfectly shaped; they look better when they are not trying to form a bridge or trying to kiss each other, her eyes with the ocean In them are now closed; they don't look good closed though. I at least prefer to look into them even if they look back at you as if warning you about the disaster an ocean can cause to you when there is a tsunami but I still want to look at them, challenge them, test them and see how it happens cause then I want to stop it and tell the tsunami to calm the fuck down and know that an ocean is not known for the disaster they cause once in a while, but are know for their beauty, their grace and their ability to grow life inside them, be the oxygen for the lives and be fucking beautiful under the sun and the moon and it's ok to consider it beautiful not always disastrous cause it is not.

her cheeks are in a normal form too; not squeezed they are a bit hollow like she has not been eating a sufficient amount of food lately. Rich people like these are confusing to understand. they don't eat much themselves but have the money to feed thousands of people. ya, I know what you are saying right now "you are a billionaire too" I agree with you but the food is kind of the many reasons why I am even breathing so believe me when I say this, I have a pretty big apatite.

her lips are not forming the thin line they always do but are parted and air comes out of them as she breaths out. they are pink; like they always have been but her lower lip is ripped which is pinkish brown. her jaw is not sculpted with stone now, it is made out of flesh and bones. it looks normal but it is still sharp and beautiful. she looks beautiful. not a beautiful I would use for her outer structure like I have done from the day I met her but right now she looks like she is on cloud nine and it is reflecting on her face which makes her so much more than beautiful.

as if it is my instinct, I left my hand and use the tip go my index finger to run the tip of it on her eyebrows as they look perfectly shaped. I am touching her so lightly that it doesn't even feel like I am, as if my insides don't want to disturb her sleep but also can't help but touch. I run the tip of my thumb on her forehead which is free from lines, It is so smooth; so soft. I run my index finger on the right side of her face, then her cheek and then the end of her jaw; soft, oh so soft skin. I bring my finger to her chin and then touch her lower lip and I felt a current run up my arm