Realize》SaTzu✔

Chapter 3.

TZ's POV

I love coming out here. Not a cloud in the sky, it's so peaceful and easy to get caught up in your own thoughts. The sun reflects off of the black granite as I lean down in front of the headstone, setting her favorite pink roses beside it.

Mina-Sharon Chou

January 28th, 1980 - April 12th, 2009

The love of my life...

Gone too soon...

I wish I could say that she had succumbed to a debilitating illness, or had been killed in some kind of accident...Those things although terrible would help lessen the guilt I feel for the way I lost her. I know that I could have done something; at least that's what I kept telling myself after she died. It's been two years now...I've come to accept that I couldn't save her because she didn't want to be saved.

I try to dwell on the happy times when I could look at her and see my whole world. Before things got bad.

Five years of marriage doesn't seem like a long time and maybe it isn't, but she was my life so even when we were dating it felt as if we had already taken the plunge. I admired her for her strength, her kindness, her selfless nature...We had our lives planned out. Marriage first, career second and family third. We were young, Mina was in her junior year of college and I was in my senior when we met and fell in love. We didn't want to wait for our careers to take off before we got married, we wanted to be together and everything else could wait.

So, we got married.

We started our careers soon after...Mina, an aspiring school teacher. Me, well I wanted to be a great physician like my father. And even with our busy schedules all we had left to do was start our family.

We wanted a big family. Three beautiful girls who would look just like her and three strapping young men to carry on the Chou legacy.

That was all Mina could hope for.

When we found out she was pregnant nothing in this entire world could bring me more happiness than the thought of us finally getting everything we wanted.

...But it didn't happen that way. Mina got into a major car accident that caused her to lose the baby as well as the ability to ever get pregnant again. She had to have an emergency hysterectomy because of all the damage...Everything seemed to spiral out of control after that. After a lengthy recovery in the hospital, she became distant. Once home she started drinking excessively and the guilt of losing our child consumed her so much that she wanted nothing else to do with me. She felt I blamed her.

I never blamed her.

Those were the toughest three years of my life. But nothing could prepare me for what happened next. I came home one morning to find her in the bathtub, both of her wrists slashed and an empty bottle of pills at her feet.

...I don't cry as much as I use to...I'm slowly moving forward.

"Bye beautiful. I love you." I bend down to rub her headstone one last time before I turn to leave her behind.

It's getting easier.

I head back to my car with no real destination in mind. It's hot today. It's been hot all week. Probably one of the worst heat waves we've had in Seattle in a long time. Jun and Selena have invited me to their pool party this afternoon...Honestly, I don't know if I want to go. My brother means well but I'm tired of him always trying to hook me up with one of Selena's friends. It took me years to even acknowledge Selena as being more than a bitch, ask me why I would want to date one of her friends with the same kind of attitude.