Realize》SaTzu✔

Chapter 25

SN's POV

It's always the same sob story. Life sucks!

At least mine does... I can't speak for everyone but this is my story. Who else would I be talking about?

I know what you're saying. "Sana, it's your own fucking fault." Believe me I know. I may be dumb but I'm not blind. Not at all. In fact, I can see clearly more now than ever before. I've given up hope and trying is useless at this point. The guilt is eating me up; I never thought it would feel so intense. I've managed to screw up everything that meant something to me because of fear of the unknown...Really, can you blame me? I've said it before and I'll say it again, running away is easier than having to deal with the shit you can't change. Now, it seems that I have more of a reason to run away... I've never felt so alone. Not in a literal sense as I'm constantly surrounded by the loving Chou family who go out of their way to make sure my needs are met. But in a physical sense, where I feel none of them could ever understand what I'm going through.

And I hate to bombard their lives with my pettiness. I won't do that, not to any of them.

Yi-cheng and Yen-ling are the parents I never had. They call to check up on me pretty much every day just because. I can't tell you how nice that feels to have two people who don't owe me anything take time out of their lives just to talk to me about mine. Jun and Luis as well call or stop by to check on me. They call themselves my big brothers and since I don't have any siblings I like to pretend along with them. They've staked their claim on me. Yeonwoo and I...Well, it's still very complicated. We've talked a little here and there about our issues with each other. She's very firm in her beliefs that my departure will tear her family apart and that I'm making a huge mistake by even contemplating leaving them behind. She's very passionate about her loved ones and for that I can only respect her, but as much as I would like to sit here and tell her that my staying will solve my inner struggles, I just can't. I've given it a lot of thought and...I know this is the right decision. Yeonwoo hates me for it. Needless to say, we don't speak very often.

Believe it or not, my bestfriend right now is Selena. I could barely stand her when we first met and now it seems she's the first one I call when I need someone other than Tzuyu to keep me company. The great thing about Selena is, she doesn't hover. If I need her she's there, and if I don't then she goes on with her life. I've even formed a small relationship with her friend Elkie. That girl is a trip let me tell you. When she's not being serious, she's the life of the party. Don't think I haven't noticed the way she stares at Tzuyu when she thinks I'm not looking. I know she likes him...I think they would make a nice couple...

Okay, so I'm lying. As much as I like Elkie, I hate the fact that she's everything I'll never be. Tall, blonde, beautiful, and rich. I envy her, really. She can have any man she wants, and she wants my Tzuyu... Can I blame her? No.

Tzuyu is a great catch. He's everything a woman could want and so much more...

The more I think of him and this situation as a whole, the more depressed I become. Since Thanksgiving things between us have been stressed at best, like with Yeonwoo, except I'm around him 24/7 and I have to see the constant anguish in his eyes each time he looks at me. I can admire that he's trying to stay strong not only for himself, but for me as he knows something is seriously wrong, and it pains me to be the cause of it. All he has ever asked of me is to let him in...Tell him my secrets, my fears, what's bothering me in general. I thought I was doing that but obviously it wasn't enough. I've warred with these issues since I've been here and it hasn't gotten any easier...I just, I don't want him to know everything about me and he doesn't understand that. And if I'm being perfectly honest it's none of his business. He hasn't exactly been forthcoming with his issues either so I don't understand why he feels the need to shoulder mine. I need help, plain and simple...The kind he won't be able to give me.