Realize》SaTzu✔

Chapter 19

SN's POV

I feel like I'm living in the fucking twilight zone. Did any of that actually happen? Well, duh I know it really happened but I still can't believe...First we're eating, then we're dancing, and then I'm meeting his mom...What a trip.

I need a cigarette.

The butterflies are still going crazy in my gut just thinking about being so close to him, or maybe I've confused them with gas bubbles. Whatever. All I know is whenever he's close that feeling becomes slightly overwhelming.

You like him, that's why!

Yeah, well, I do kind of like him.

Cooking breakfast this morning was so natural. The minute I woke up I knew exactly what I wanted to make for him to show him, in my own special way, how much I appreciate all he's done for me. I've only been here a short time and though my bitchiness has been at the forefront from day one, he puts up with it. I've got issues, he understands that and I think that's why he's keeping me around.

The genuine smile on his face as we ate together made me tingle. He always makes me tingle in the best way, even when he's getting on my fucking nerves. No guy has ever done that to me, ever. We laughed together and for the first time since I've been here we just, let go.

If only things were different...

It's a hard pill to swallow when I look at him, really look at him, and realize Tzuyu is waaaay out of my league. I mean have you seen this guy? He's every girl's wet dream and I'm nothing special. Dull brown eyes, dull brown hair, pale skin, and before I was pregnant my body was nothing to brag about.

He surely can't find me attractive now, can he?

When he asked me if I thought I was beautiful I wanted to punch him in his pretty little face. Only vain women admit that shit out loud, but to answer his question truthfully I would say no and mean it. Sana might mean beautiful, but this Sana is far from that. I've always thought that physical beauty means nothing if you don't possess goodness within.

Let's be real, I don't have one decent bone in my body.

I've only known goodness through Gran and I could never be all that she was. Kind, gentle, caring; she would give you the shirt right off her back if you asked. I'm so selfish that if I were wearing a dress made of safety pins and someone asked if I could spare one, I would politely say no. It's second nature for me to be a bitch. When it comes to making decisions, I think about how it will benefit me.

Which leads me to my current predicament. The only difference is I realize how fucked up I am and I would be putting the baby through a world of hell if I decided I wanted to raise her.

What could I possibly give her?

I have nothing...

Nothing but...Tzuyu.

I'm swept up in remembering how everything seemed to fade into thin air the moment I was pressed against his chest. That song, those lyrics, gripped me and I was so caught up in them that I didn't notice Tzuyu had moved until I felt him standing before me. His beautiful eyes pierced mine in the most amazing way and when he asked me to dance I almost cried out in happiness. He wanted to touch me. We were pressed so close together I could feel the steady beating of his heart. Then, reality set in; he didn't want me. No, he was just doing this out of pity. He felt sorry for me and, oh fuck when I was in his arms it felt like I should always be there. He evoked so many emotions within me just by his simple touch.

We were so close, so so so close and yet absolutely nothing will come of it. I pulled away and he seemed hurt. What was he expecting?

What does he want?