Realize》SaTzu✔

Chapter 20

TZ's POV

I know, I'm an asshole.

Maybe that's an understatement...I suck big time for what I did to Sana. I didn't even mean to and I still somehow fucked up what should have been a great moment between us. I had her right there in my lap and what do I do? I'll tell you...

I fucking molest her. My rational brain spoke to my irrational penis and told him "hey, maybe you should slow down", but my penis had other plans and decided he didn't give a fuck. So, my brain had to step in and remind me about Sana and one of the main reasons she's here.

I freaked out right there on the spot. My biggest fear in moving forward into a relationship with Sana is that I don't want her to think I have other intentions. I don't want to hurt her and at the same time I'm a little uncertain if I'm ready to go the extra mile. The chemistry is there, and even though the kiss we shared was unexpected but fucking awesome, I wish it had happened differently.

In my head I had it all planned out. I would take her out to eat, maybe a movie afterwards or a walk along the lake. I would pull her into my arms and lay out all of my feelings. She would start crying and admitting that she felt the same, and then....

Yeah, it didn't happen that way.

She dared me to be spontaneous and I fucking assault her with my mouth. I remember the taste of her tongue and no matter how hard I tried, it left me hard. It pained me to push her away, but unfortunately for my own sanity I had to do it. Call me a pussy all you want, but I want our first time to be unforgettable. Last night was me giving into temptation when she challenged me.

I've been up since six in the morning going over what I want to say to Sana when she wakes up.

When she wasn't up by ten I made a small breakfast and took it up to her room. When I hadn't heard anything by noon I started to worry, so I made some lunch and took it up. I was relieved to see her breakfast plate empty but she was still in bed so I assumed she was sleeping and left her alone.

Now it's three in the afternoon and she still hasn't gotten out of bed. Either something is really wrong or she's trying to avoid me. At this point I'm desperate to speak with her about what happened last night and hopefully she'll let me explain myself.

I head back upstairs to her room. Knocking once, I peak my head inside. "Sana?"

No response.

"Sana?"

....Okay she's not answering. I hesitantly move to the side of her bed and take a seat next to her sleeping form. I reach out and softly move my hand over her shoulder. "Sana?"

"Hmmm" She moaned.

"Are you feeling okay?" She's never slept this late before.

"Go away." Her voice was muffled by the pillows.

"Can we talk?"

"Don't you see that I'm trying to sleep? Leave me the fuck alone."

"Please. I really need to get this out."

I'll plead if I have to...

"Fine," she huffed practically throwing herself on her back. She wouldn't look at me but gave me her attention none-the-less. "What the fuck is so important?"

She knows what this is about. I know she's angry with me and as much as I hate to admit it, I deserve her wrath. "I'm sorry about last night. I never meant to make you uncomfortable and I can't apologize enough."

I gave her the opportunity to reply but as the silence passed between us it never came. She stared at me for a long time weighing my words, or plotting my death. I don't know what I'm waiting to hear... "Please say something."