Thanks. (l.h)

Chapter 10

Its been a week since we've went to the beach and that was probably the highlight of my summer

I haven't really talk to anyone today the boys are busy packing and getting their stuff ready for London

Lex hasn't been home she trying to spend as much with Cal as she can
I hate being in this house all alone it's so quite you could hear a pin drop

My head and emotions feel scattered
I'm in one of those moods were I feel like I could break at any second I just want to lay here and not feel anything
I hate these moods they always ruin my day or sometimes my week I mean I constantly live with being upset but these moods make it way worse

They just come when they want like 'hello I'm going to make you miserable now hope you don't mind'

That's the thing about depression though it has a mind of it's own you can't control it I roll my body over the covers covering me fully

Sighing I grab my phone and type in the password I scroll through tumblr for a while before my phone dings telling me I have a message I click it noticing it's from Luke

'Hey mind if I come over I miss youu'

I smile at the last part but I don't want anyone to see me upset like this I hate letting people know I live with depression because they say stuff like you should try and stop or stupid things like that

I'm sorry I can't help having thoughts about being worthless and a fuck up when I haven't done nothing wrong it's not exactly enjoyable on my part

'I don't really feel good right now :('

I text him back I miss Luke too but I can't let him in I'm afraid I'll hurt him in the process being with someone unpredictable of when they could break at any given moment even though it wasn't that persons fault I don't want him to always feel like it is

'Pleasee I'll bring movies and we can cuddle I heard it's the best medicine :)'

I have the urge to just tell him to come over I really want to see him but I can't right now

'Luke maybe later or tomorrow I don't want to get you sick'

I lie to him to save himself from me I always fuck up with people I care about
It says he read it almost five minutes ago he must be upset with me great
god damn it Lily you always fuck up everything don't you

I turn on my pillow locking my phone and setting it on the end table next to me

Staring at the celling I close my eyes and block the rest of thoughts out or at least try to

I bet Luke thinks I don't want to hang out with him even though he's leaving in a week to another country

My eyes snap open to the door bell ringing I jump out of the bed and put my hair up walking from the messy mop it is

I pretty much stumble down the stairs still not adjusted to standing up yet

I open the door to Luke holding two DVDs

"I brought AHS season 3 since it's your favorite I mean I hate that show but I'll watch it with you and the Little Mermaid since it's your favorite Disney movie" he smiles at me showing me the two DVD boxes with my favorite movies

"Luke I said I don't feel good but thank you come in don't act like you've never been here" I laugh lightly towards the end noticing he's still outside the doorframe

He walks in and put the movie on the couch and gives me a hug

"You don't look sick are you sure you are" he steps back at me and I laugh as he puts hand on his chin like he's thinking