Control

Chapter 1

My morning started like any normal morning. I woke up and got ready for work at my hair salon. I am 23 and I own a salon named 'Trina Hair Styles'. And normally my best friend Josh picks me up and takes me to work. Unlike me, Josh is a kingpin in the drug business; however, he does own a few legitimate clubs. As I finish putting on my shoes, I hear my front door open and Josh walks into my room.

"Hey, you ready to get going I have to go meet Chris at the club." He asks. Chris is his best friend and is his right-hand man. He is also in the drug business, but he helps run the clubs that Josh has a partnership in.

"Of course, let me grab my purse," I say as I grab my phone, purse, and the keys to my house.

I walk past Josh to walk out the front door; however, before I can completely pass him, he stops and pulls me back against him and starts sucking on my neck.

"You didn't give me my morning hug." He speaks. I smile and laugh at him.

"Yeah, I know, but you were the one who said we have to go, so stop sucking and kissing on my neck trying to leave a hickey," I speak. I push him off me before walking to the front door and to his car and closing the door. I see him lock up my house and come and get in the car.

"I love that you know I was leaving a hickey on your neck," he says. I just stare at the side of his head.

"Yeah, well you have been extra possessive this week and a lot more handsy. I don't know what's going on, and I don't think I want to know. Just be careful." I speak. He smiles stopping at a stoplight.

"Have you ever thought that maybe nothing is going on and maybe I just want to touch on you. I mean, you are hot, and I know you enjoy it," he says, starting to drive again.

"Yeah, well, Josh, I was not the one to put the strain here. You were the one who was not safe. You don't want to ruin a friendship. You want me safe. There is a strain because you can't get past yourself. I know what you do, and I know that it's dangerous, but I never once told you to fear for me I know how to take care of myself. I have my gun license, I keep a gun in my shop, in my house, in my car and I carry one in my purse. So even though I enjoy your affection, you clearly don't know what you want, and I need you to figure it out."I say.

I must be straight with him because he thinks everything is a game and it is not.

"You have a point Kat, but I never said you couldn't take care of yourself. If something happens to you because of the things I'm tied up in I could never and would never forgive myself. You might think I'm being selfish and maybe I am. But I need you to see this from my perspective, think about how I would feel, try being in this position, and you will understand," he says.

We still have a ten-minute drive to my shop. That's when I decide to call him on his bullshit.

"You say that all the time, I know how you feel because that's how I feel anytime you go handle business that isn't for the club but for your drugs. I fear you will get killed. Also, you say you can't commit, but any time I try to go on a date, you either show up and ruin it or you will not let me leave my house. I'm trying to see past this for our friendship, but somethings have to give." I speak.

"I need you to be patient, I'm trying, ok?" he says. He turns the corner to where my shop is.

"Yeah, well, try harder. You are putting me in one space and treating me like I belong in another." I speak. We pull up to the shop.

"I love you, and Chris, be careful, ok," I speak. I lean over to kiss his cheek. After I do, he turns and kisses mine mumbling back and I love you too.

I see him sit and wait for me to get into my shop before he drives off.

This is what I mean, we can't have a normal relationship, we do things that elevate me to girlfriend status, but then I'm said to be the best friend, and I would be grateful if we could figure this out. It is annoying to always have to explain to people who I am or why I didn't show up for a date. My friends get upset when they set me up on a blind date, and then they tell them I'm a no-show. They think that Josh is a little too overbearing when it comes to me and that he needs to lighten up. I wish I could go on a date, get over my feelings for Josh, because then it wouldn't hurt when he is treating me one way and doing another. 

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